out of the fog.

[drooling over this little beauty. wish they'd let me sell plasma so I could save up for it.]

We've had an interesting few days. I spent Thursday in a complete haze, not truly processing our big blessing. Chris left for a conference dark and early Friday morning. When I woke up on Friday, my warm fuzzy haze was gone. I was left with nothing but panic. I cried by myself. I cried with Carly. I cried to my dad. I cried to my mom. I felt completely overwhelmed and incapable. Friday night Carly and I went to our ward Halloween party and a friend said to me that she thought that the Lord is really honoring my motherhood, because He wouldn't send this blessing to someone who couldn't do it, or to someone He didn't trust to do it. She doesn't know it, but she was an answer to scared prayers.

What is truly amazing is how quickly and smoothly questions are being answered. From cars to cribs to clothes, family and friends are quick to offer advice and help. I don't know exactly why I thought we'd be doing this alone. Because we definitely won't be doing this alone. Along with offers of material goods, we've had lots of offers to help, and have two grandmas already making room in their schedules to come be our twin team. We are so blessed to be surrounded by incredibly generous and loving people.

We feel calm (mostly). We feel at peace. We know these babies are supposed to come now, and they are supposed to come together. And if an angel came down and offered to send them 3 years apart instead, I wouldn't take him up on it. Because this is right. And now that we're out of the fog, we can keep on keepin' on and find joy in this crazy journey. Its strange to think this is our new norm: planning for twins, preparing to be a family of 5, and praying for 2 healthy babies.

xoxo.

A and B.

The Story.

This morning I dropped Carly off with Chris on campus and headed to my typical every-four-weeks doctor appointment. It was all routine. I went off my anti-nausea meds, and have been doing better, but have still felt sick, so he said to go ahead and try the Unisom/B6 combo (which many of you recommended. thank you!). Then he went to measure my tummy. At 18 weeks 4 days, it was measuring 24 cm. "I feel so much bigger than with my first one," I informed him. Then, while listening to the heartbeat, he checked for 2. But he only heard one. He asked if I was 100% sure about my last period. I was 100% sure. He decided to do a quick "take a peek" ultrasound to see if my the dates were somehow off and I was further along then we thought.

I went into the ultrasound room. The tech squirted the jelly and asked if I wanted to know what I was having. Kill me, people. Yes, I wanted to know so badly, but Chris wasn't there, so of course I would wait for the anatomy scan. But she had some other information for me. "Well," she said. "That explains why you are measuring big. You have two babies in there."

[tops of their heads. took this on my phone, I'll scan more later.]

"Two babies?" I asked. Then I started hyperventilating and tears streamed from my eyes. To be honest, I wasn't totally surprised (something I'll talk about in a minute), but it is still completely life-altering to be told you're expecting twins. She checked them real fast and found my due date was about right. They both had beautiful heartbeats that were about the same heart rate, which is probably why the doctor couldn't hear two different heart beats.

They are beautiful. And there are two.

I headed out to the check-out desk to change my anatomy ultrasound appointment (since there are two, the scan will last twice as long). I informed the nurse and I must have looked shocked because she and another nurse laughed and said I'd be ok. Then she asked my name and I said "my name?" I honestly couldn't remember right then. She asked about a time for the scan, and I had to call Chris to see if it would work for him. Yes, Chris found out he was going to have twins over the phone. "There are two babies," I told him. We set the new appointment for one day earlier (November 9th . . . but, hey, a day is a day!) and we'll find out what we're having then. I'm going crazy wondering what they are, so by they I'll probably be certifiably insane.

I picked Carly up and shared the pictures with Chris. Neither of us had much to say. We are in joyful shock, and I've been in a haze most of the afternoon. As he strapped Carly in to her carseat I pointed out, "We can't even fit three carseats in here." The first of many realizations we'll be having over the coming months.

One Million Thoughts.

My head is spinning and my heart is full. I'm shocked, but not surprised. I have felt like there were two for sometime. Maybe it was wishful (?) thinking. I thought because I was so much bigger this time, and so much sicker this time, that there had to be a reason. But lots of people get big and sick and only have one baby. But something just kept whispering the idea of twins to me, and the thought wouldn't leave my mind.  I joked about it with Chris often, which is probably good because maybe it got him used to the idea. It got me used to the idea. I just wasn't that surprised when she told me. I'll chalk it up to the one time in my life mother's intuition was successful. I read online that only about 20% of mothers of twins report increased sickness. I'd like to think I'm a part of that 20%, because that makes the idea of someday having number 4 (maybe, in a long, long time) more possible. And don't think I haven't thought of this as "two for the price of one", because even if it sounds bad, I definitely have.

[sorry these pictures are kind of ghetto. 18 weeks with Carly (left) and the twins (right)]

That doesn't mean I'm not terrified. We thought we'd have one more baby in school and wait a while for number 3. We already had what we needed for a baby, so we could manage one more. Two more, at the same time, was in no way part of the plan. We have a car problem, and a bedroom problem (probably can't fit twins in our closet), and a supplies problem (we only got one infant carseat and crib the first time around, go figure). The logistics are enough to drive me crazy. So right now I'm just not thinking logistics. I'm just thinking about two sweet babies.

And then there is all the worry. I worry about the babies. They are healthy now (as far as we can tell), but multiple pregnancies carry an increased risk of preterm labor and premature delivery, bedrest, and other complications. I'm already worried about carrying these babies as long as they need to be carried. And then how are they going to get out? Good grief.

And I'm worried about Carly. Her world was already going to be rocked. She is the center of our universe, and she gets a whole lot of attention. How is she going to handle a baby invasion of not just one, but two babies? I don't want her to feel ignored. I don't want her to feel like I don't have time for her, or the babies are taking over. I always want her to know how much we love her and how she is just as important as the twins. I'm sure it will take a conscious effort, but I pray we can make the transition without too many bumps and bruises. She is my BFF, and I hope she always knows that.

More than anything, we feel joyful and blessed. It is still crazy to think about, and I don't think it has really sunk in, but for me, these babies are miracles. We have no history of twins in our families. It is just completely God's will, and that alone tells me we can do this. (Sometimes I have no idea what God is thinking . . . .). I don't know how we'll do it, but we will. And we'll have three beautiful children to make every day worth living.

Yay for babies.
xoxo.

leaves.

sweet things.

We just keep on keepin' on in the C House.

Chris has had the week from H-E-double hockey sticks and we are all counting down the days until things calm down after a conference he is going to next week. Halloween will be a celebration of many things.

Carly and I are hanging.

I've been doing better, and its a blessing.

Still sick and exhausted, but that's how I was the whole time with Carly.

I'll take it.

I am still on my meds, though, and hope to go off them this weekend.

Third try is the charm?

Fingers crossed.

We've had some sweet happenings around here though.

I found a cleaning schedule on Pinterest.

I've been doing it just over a week and love it.

Most cleaning schedules give you a million things to do a day.

This gives you one or two doable things.

I'm not much of a cleaner when I'm not pregnant, 

and you should have seen our house when I was really sick.

Yikes.

But I feel like the house has actually been pretty clean for a week.

Thanks once again, Pinterest.

I just made pumpkin chocolate chip cake.

I'm the world's worst baker.

I mean, I burn everything and make a huge mess.

Chris has even said I have a lot of gifts, but maybe baking isn't one of them.

Ha!

But he also says when it works out, it tastes good.

But I baked this cake 10 minutes less than the recipe called for because of by burning history,

 and it is still well-done on top.

Serenity now.

Anyway, here's hoping it tastes good.

Deux has been begging for it all week.

[aftermath.]

The mom of one of Carly's nursery classmates told me the sweetest story.

She said their family recently got a beta fish, and let the little boy name it.

They asked, "What do you want to name the pretty fish?"

The little boy said, "Carly, because Carly is my favorite."

Then the mom said she thinks the boy has a little crush on Carly.

I thought that was the cutest thing.

There is now a fish Carly.

And human Carly is already attracting suitors.

Heaven help us.

[we love Cooper.]

On Sunday we were headed out to go to a trail for a Sunday walk.

Half-way to the car, Carly tripped and fell face-first into the choppy pavement.

The result was shredded lips and lots of blood.

I scooped her up and started rushing back to the house.

I put my hand under her mouth, and soon it was covered in blood.

Carly looked down and started screaming "Mommy's hand! Mommy's hand!"

She thought my hand was bleeding, and even though her mouth was hurting, 

it was my hand she was worried about.

Talk about an example of selfless love.

No wonder the Savior teaches us to be as little children.

She is the sweetest thing of all.

four little pumpkins.

pumpkin patch

family visitors

cold wind

donuts

cider

honey crisp apples

fudge

fall beauty

[can you believe how much she has grown? nearly a foot!]

And four little pumpkins:

daddy

mommy

Carly

baby

one

happy

weekend

a funny story.

Carly has three little chapsticks.

She carries them around in a little plastic Twins helmet.

You know, the kind you get soft-serve in at baseball games?

Anyway, she calls them "my make-ups", and I taught her how to put it gently on her lips.

Well, sometimes she is less then gentle and I end up wiping chapstick off her face and cheeks.

No big deal.

A few weeks ago I was doing my make-up.

Sometimes I let her look at my stuff while I do it.

Sometimes she draws on my neck with eyeliner and sometimes I forget to wash it off before we go to the store, but what can you do?

On this day she found my stick of green makeup that balances out red blemishes.

And she mistook it for her chapstick.

I wasn't looking, but she looked in the mirror and exclaimed:

"Oh, no! My face!"

I cannot remember the last time I laughed that hard.

And, yes, the real makeup was WAY harder to get off than the chapstick.

Happy weekend.

quarter of a century.

Oh, yes, it was my birthday last week.

Twenty-five years old.

Doesn't that sound old?

And yet young?

Sometimes I still feel 16.

Actually, a lot of times I still feel like I'm 16.

Where has the time gone?

I suppose in my 25 years I've managed a happy childhood (ok, that was my parents' doing), formative school years with friends and fun, a college degree, a happy marriage to a wonderful man, and 1.4 kids. I'll take it.

My birthday was a fun albeit simple one.

Chris gave me the most superb gift I could ask for:

he came home for 5 hours in the middle of the day.

It was a dream come true.

[Chris took over the "this day in history" on my bday. he is so blinded by my charm.]

He came home after his morning class and we headed to Bob Evans for breakfast.

I still can't stop thinking about it.

And Carly downed 5 blueberry pancakes and a sausage link like it was nobody's business.

Don't come between the girl and her pancakes.

[in the zone. she didn't look up or make a peep the whole time.]

After that we headed out and perused a furniture store (its a long story, but no, I didn't get the couch I wanted for my birthday. poor me), then headed home and put Carly down and Chris and I just hung out. A novel idea. We'll have to try it more often.

Then Chris was off to his night class, and I took a birthday nap before Carly woke up and we headed outside  for a sidewalk chalk extravaganza where I was required to draw 5 kitties.

Dinner was my very favorite enchilada casserole.

No dessert.

I've found sweets make me sick.

I'm just not into them right now.

Isn't that sad?

I make up for it with chips and guacamole, don't you worry.

Then we settled in to watch the Penguins season opener.

Isn't that sweet they started the season on my birthday?

I thought it was a kind gesture.

[darling family portrait.]

Like my present from Chris?

A Sidney Crosby jersey.

Some girls gets flowers, I get sports apparel.

I was way excited and surprised because they are kind of expensive.

We have been really wanting to take a getaway trip to Pittsburgh and see a game, but with how sick I've been this pregnancy, the timing of the baby, and finances, it just wasn't going to happen this year like we hoped.

So this was a good replacement.

[the 2-year-old and the 25-year-old.]

I was actually spoiled with gifts, and have shopping money to get my fall style on whenever I have time to go by myself. One of my favs was this print from my sister-in-laws:

[lovely dark phone picture, sorry.]

I saw it on Pinterest, and thought it was so cute.

Of course, it will make more sense when we are no longer in Michigan, but you get the point.

Michigan has really become our home in a way that other places never really were.

We love it here, and I wanted a little memento of that.

That was it.

My simple yet fabulous 25th.

I am blessed.

Here's to year 26.