the little things.

Its been a tough few weeks, and a tough few days.

Infections, medicines, medicine side-effects, and a big big baby belly.

It has left me melancholy, and questioning how much more I can handle.

I told Chris if I could just be pregnant, that would be great.

It looks like we're about at the end of it all (fingers crossed),

so if I could have two weeks of relative peace before babies, that would be great.

Left in the wake, is our sweet Carly.

Not enough attention.

Way too much tv.

She's been acting out, and her usual energetic spirit seems not-so-bright.

I've been praying hard for help.

For me, but mostly for her.

And today it came in the smallest way: sunshine.

The sun came out and the temperature rose just enough.

We went outside and colored with chalk.

Then we walked to our little park and swung on the swings and slid down the slide.

While I was pushing her, she giggled and exclaimed "This is so fun!"

And I knew when all this craziness passes, and somehow our life comes back together with two new pieces added to the mix, we'll all be ok.

It was a little thing that made a big difference.

This pregnancy has been long and challenging.

But I try very hard never to call it a trial.

How could something that ends in two new lives be a trial?

How could carrying these babies full-term ever be something to complain about?

The Lord has blessed us in more ways than I can count.

He sends us sunshine, literally and figuratively, when we can't take one more cold dark day.

I'm very grateful.

Yay for answered prayers.

this love is ours.

One of the things on my massive To-Do list as we prepare for the babies was to clean and organize the basement. It was quite the little project. In the process, we found lots of old pictures from our dating days, and got distracted. These are pictures I hadn't seen in several years, since our dating occurred before we had regular use of a digital camera and these pictures were taken on film (gasp!). I'm sure glad we found them.

A little reminiscing? On our first date, Chris asked me to go swing dancing at an "open swing dancing" night on campus. We went, and I got all ready for Chris to show me his swing dancing skills. The other people we were with went off and danced like crazy; we both stood there. He couldn't swing dance. I couldn't swing dance. I wondered why he asked me to go swing dancing if he couldn't even swing dance. I can't quite remember, but I think after a few short failed attempts, we went on a walk outside. Strike one.

Afterwards, the two of us headed to Coldstone. I considered that a big plus. Then he comes up with this idea to order for each other and not tell the other one what we're getting them. I was hesitant. I take my ice cream very seriously, especially at Coldstone. I finally coaxed what he was getting me out of him: some awful cherry-chocolate concoction that shouldn't even be allowed on the menu. Luckily, I was able to inform him of my strict no fruit mixed with chocolate policy, and the occasion was saved. Strike two.

Later we met back up with the people we were with earlier and watched a movie at a park. During the movie, our fingers found each other and I think we linked pinkies. Because even though he took me swing dancing when he couldn't swing dance, and even though he almost got me the grossest thing Coldstone has to offer, he was sweet. He had a genuine and positive sense of humor; he made me laugh a lot. And heaven help me, he was so dang cute. After the movie they were moving on to something else (what kind of marathon date was this?), but I requested to go home because I was tired and needed to read my scriptures. Home run for me.

Over 6 years later, as we sat looking back at pictures in our home in Michigan, we couldn't help but notice how young we looked. When did I get lines around my eyes? I look so tired now and I'm carrying 30 extra pound around my midsection (ha!). It is funny how just 6 years of school and moving and working and pregnancy and kid(s) can take a toll on your physical appearance.

And its funny how much those 6 years can teach you. How they teach you to hurt, to worry, to stress, to plan, and then have all your plans go out the window, to adjust, to pray, to laugh, to love. To love more than you loved at the beginning, even though you thought that was impossible.

If we had never moved across the country, how would I ever know how much I depended on him?

If I had never had one hard and one extremely difficult pregnancy, how would I know how selfless he is?

If we had never had our precious daughter, how would I know what a wonderful daddy he is?

If we had never disagreed, how would I know how quick he is to understand me?

And if didn't make so many mistakes, how would I know how easily he forgives me?

I was a little envious of the people in those pictures. My biggest worries were the Book of Mormon quizzes I kept getting C's on (what the?) and how I was ever going to adjust to my brand new Celiac Disease diagnosis. I couldn't help but think how much simpler life was back then. But then it occurred to me: in ten years when we have 4 kids with schedules and practices and lessons, when Chris is deep in his career, when we have mortgage payments and car payments and the kids are begging for a dog and I won't give in . . . I'll probably look back at this time when Carly was potty-training and we had impending twins and Chris was still in school and we lived on very little other than love, and think how it was so much simpler back then.

Because I love where we are now. There's a song called Remember When by Alan Jackson and one verse says "remember when the sound of little feet was the music we danced to week-to-week?" I can't listen to those words without crying. I didn't even type them without crying. I love the little feet that bounce on the couch and declare "I'm a jumping bean!" I love the little feet that kick my ribs, and the other two little feet that kick my bladder. And I love that Chris and I are dancing to these sweet sounds together. Because all too quickly those feet will be off to college and out tracking in some random place across the world. And we'll still be together, and we "wont' be sad, we'll be glad, for all the life we had. And we'll remember when."

The point is, I love Chris a lot.

I'm notoriously horrible about showing him and telling him.

I'm not an overly expressive person.

Its something I've been working on for all 6 years of our lives together.

But I love him.

And I'm eternally grateful for him.

Not just today, on Valentine's Day.

But every day.

ready to pop.

Its been a long week.

On Monday my cough/cold morphed into a sinus infection.

You know, where your head feels like it might explode and you have stabbing pains and intense migraines?

It's like that, y'all.

Luckily, I had a doctor appointment the next day, and he gave me medicine for it.

Unfortunately, it is weak-sauce pregnant lady medicine that could take 9-14 days to work.

So every morning I spend about 4 hours suffering from an intense, debilitating migraine.

The Claritin-D kicks in around 1, and then I can actually open my eyes and speak.

And by 2 I'm fully functional.

Every day.

So Carly has been watching lots of movies.

Way too many movies.

And I am SO OVER IT.

I was wondering if I could handle the discomforts of late-pregnancy much longer.

Well, I decided I definitely can, as long as this sinus infection goes away soon.

Please, meds, work soon.

My head is ready to pop.

However, I got to end my week on a high note.

Two wonderful friends from my ward threw me a baby shower today.

It was at 2 (just in time for me to be fully functional!).

And the theme was "Ready to Pop".

My friend Camilla said she thought it was fitting since people have been asking me since 28 weeks if I'm due "any day now". It turned out really cute, and I'm grateful for the friends who gave it and the friends who showed up to support us as we begin this wild adventure.

[the cute set-up.]

The had lots of cute things that went with the theme:

pop corn

Italian soda "pop"

cake pops

pop rocks.

[co-hostess Camilla showing off the Italian creme soda. yummers.]

[co-hostess Rebecca conducting the games.]

I was lousy at taking pictures, but got one with the hostesses.

It was really cute and a lot of fun.

We got lots of sweet gifts, and LOTS of diapers, which is really what we need most at this point!

We're lucky to have such wonderful people around us.

xoxo.

snow and sun.

As far as Michigan winters go, we've had a pretty mild one so far this year.

[Knocking on wood all over the place.]

We've had a few snow storms, but nothing too bad, and it has melted away completely every time.

And we've had a shocking amount of sunshine.

It is bizarre.

But it sure has been nice.

We're already in February, and I'm not even sick of winter yet.

[Knocking on more wood.]

On our most recent snowfall a while ago, we took Carly out on her new little $5 sled.

The problem with Michigan is there aren't very many hills, and we didn't want to go too far, so we kept it classy and tied a rope to the sled and Chris pulled Carly around in our little front "yard". It worked out perfectly, and lasted just about as long as Carly's snow-tolerance span.

[snow buddies.]

She was giggling wildly.

It was pretty darn cute.

That's as much snow fun we've had.

I'm not a huge play-in-the-snow person, and so far it looks like Carly might have gotten that gene.

But maybe when she's a bit older she'll enjoy sledding with daddy.

If we can find a hill.

Much better than the snow, however, has been the sunshine.

We've had a few periods of sunshine and "higher" temperatures.

Like this weekend, for example.

The zoo here is free from November through February, so I've been waiting for a nice day to go.

Chris's parents came to town this weekend, and we got a beautiful Saturday, so we headed out to see the animals.

We had a nice time.

Carly liked the animals, but she doesn't linger.

We'd look at one animal for a little bit, and she'd say "more animals!"

So we kept up a decent pace.

I'd have to say she particularly enjoyed the otters swimming around bouncing off rocks (as did we all, they were very cute), the yak (go figure), and of course the daddy lion, who did some sort of cough-growl to show off for her.

 [watching the otters do flip-turns.]

[Carly and Papak feeding the ducks.]

[yay for sunny winters.]

It was a nice weekend.

And its been a nice winter.

[Knock on wood, just one more time.]

Hopefully Spring arrives earlier than May.

fishy heaven.

Last night before putting Carly down, I couldn't help but notice our beautiful little Harpo was sunk to the bottom of his "little house" (as Carly calls it) and wasn't moving much. I tapped on the glass. I shook it around. Harpo didn't budge. 

Chris and Carly were just finishing bath time, so I headed up and whispered to Chris, "I think Harpo's dead".

"Obama?!?!" he asked.

Hahaha.

"No, Harpo!" I replied.

After putting Carly down we headed down to face the inevitable.

Harpo had moved on to fishy heaven.

Chris geared up to flush him down the toilet, because I just couldn't do it.

I tried to get him to dig a hole outside, but he said he wouldn't dig a hole for a fish.

Fair enough.

It made me sad.

It made Chris sad too.

We had grown rather fond of Harpo.

Its funny how you can grow a soft spot in your heart for a fish.

He was Carly's first pet, after all.

But we bid farewell and flushed.

This morning I saw his empty house and it made my heart sad.

We'll miss him.

Well, Chris and I will.

Carly has yet to notice, and I'm not sure she will.

The novelty of a fish wore off quite a while ago for her.

Though, she did enjoy feeding him from time to time.

Cause of death you might ask?

We're guessing irregular and missed feedings, combined with over-feeding.

Sometimes too much food would come out, and we'd just dump it all in anyway.

Harpo was looking a little plump near the end of his life.

Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, after all.

RIP, little Harpo.

Thanks for a fabulous 6 months.

bullet points.

[Carly and Frosty during Christmas break.]

• We almost moved. Well, not almost. But kind of almost. A three-bedroom townhouse opened up two doors down from us. Oh, so tempting. Too bad rent wasn't a bit less. But I guess now we won't be moving when I'm 37 weeks pregnant . . . or in the hospital. Ha! There are perks to things not working out.

• I'm so over "potty training" and ready for Carly to be "potty trained". Does that ever happen? We're at a month and Carly is pretty much a pee pro, but still won't go #2. It is a huge traumatic fiasco every time. Don't know how many more times I can handle it. And no, rewards don't work. And she won't sit on the potty to watch tv or read a book. All she'll do is curl up on the couch in pain and beg to be carried around everywhere (which I won't do) and cry for hours. Until all hell breaks lose in her underwears. Sorry, graphic. It happened again this morning, and I'm just over it.

• We set the crib up in our room. I'm washing baby clothes. My sweet friends are throwing me a shower next week. This is happening, and its happening soon.

• Chris and I went on a much needed date on Saturday. A nice family in our ward offered to watch Carly, nevermind that they have 10 kids of their own. They live outside of town a ways, so we decided to go to a little nearby town and shop the little small-town shops. Turns out small towns close down at 5:30. We ended up spending an hour and a half at dinner, and an hour and a half at the ice cream place. But it was nice to spend time with my man. We don't get a lot of time together. And I feel like I'm a ticking timebomb of chaos. So an evening of calm was nice.

• I went to the hospital to pick up a breastpump the lactation consultant is loaning out to me (yay for not having to buy one!) and had two people wish me luck on "having my baby". Really? I'm just going to waltz in there in my jeans with my little purse all by myself and have a baby? Guess I can't blame them. I have a fabulous 40-week-sized belly.

• Carly gave me her cough. It is lame. And coughing with two babies inside you makes you feel like your tummy might burst open. FYI.

• It is the last day of January. Can you believe it? January usually drags on like some sort of torture device, but this one passed by quite quickly. I'm not about to complain. I need to get some Valentine's cheer in our house. And cake. We need cake in the house. Stat.

Life is good. 

xoxo.

cough + slime = Mulan.

We're having a sick day.

Carly started coughing a few days ago and I was really hoping it would go away.

I don't do sick.

When the flu shot came out, we were first in line.

Like, literally, we were the first ones in the line.

And I have had Carly on a strict walk-through-the-door-go-straight-to-wash-hands policy.

We've made it this far.

Not too shabby.

But it caught us.

The coughing came, now she is all slimy and sneezy and loopy.

So she gets to lay on the couch with her besties and watch Mulan.

And I'm doing a bit of crafting in between nose wiping and juice refilling.

Movies and crafts and snacks all day isn't that bad.

But I'm hoping its a one-dayer.

xoxo.