holland, mi.

A while ago Chris's parents invited us to meet them in Holland, MI to see the tulip festival held there every May. I've always wanted to go, so we jumped at the chance. I pitched the idea to Chris of us going up a day early and going to the beach and staying in a hotel, but we decided in the end it would just be too crazy. Well, the Wednesday before we were supposed to meet Chris's parents on Friday, I brought the idea up again. We had not been on any sort of vacation with our little family since we went to South Carolina when Carly was 9 months old. I needed a mini-vacation. I needed the beach. So at 10 pm that night we won a bid on Priceline for a hotel 50% off, and I went off to pack.

We got to Tunnel Park on Lake Michigan in the early afternoon. You park your car and it doesn't look like there is any water in sight, but you climb a hill and go through a tunnel, and bam, there is Lake Michigan. As I mentioned, it was a hazy day, but it was warm and beautiful and we were some of the only people on the beach. The water was still cold, but just pleasant enough to splash around in on a warm day.

Our 3 kids reactions to the beach were very telling of their personalities. Carly was initially hesitant. The sand was, after all, hot and dirty. And it was a long walk all the way down the hill to the water. Chris and I went ahead with the babies, and she slowly tiptoed her way down, in her sundress and fancy new hat. "You better go up and get Audrey Hepburn," I told Chris. She sure was beautiful.

But after being carried down by daddy and changing into her swimsuit, she ate it up, splashing in the water and warming herself in the sand. She played the whole time. I'm not sure what she was playing; she has the ability to go off in her own imagination and keep herself busy (when she's outside), and that's exactly what she did, with a few breaks to play with her babies and commission daddy to make a sand castle.

Quinn is the most serious, intricate little thing, and the beach didn't change that. If you walked by our little party, chances are you'd find Quinn with a bucket or three, stacking them, putting sand toys in them, and strategically carrying them around and setting them out. She had a plan, and that plan required all THREE buckets, which luckily were not in high demand by her siblings. 

And John is a mess of a human being, proved perfectly by his reaction to the beach. I set him down and he did his high-speed crawl right into the water. He turned around and crawled back out laughing and squealing, then headed right back in. I didn't even get the chance to put his swimsuit on. He also had quite a bit of fun with the sand, as any dirt-loving boy would, and was literally covered head to toe. Poor boy . . . when we left we had to strip him down and dunk him in the lake to get it all off. Cute sandy John turned to shivering purple John, but he still had a smile on his face.

After our beach adventure we headed to our hotel, were they happened to have a free dinner waiting for us. Our room had a kitchen and living area which we thought would work out perfectly. After dinner we headed to the pool. I quickly learned the pool is not going to be our thing this summer. Even with two adults it was crazy to keep two toddlers and a 3-year-old who thinks she can swim from going under. John was having beach flashbacks because he kept speed-crawling right toward the edge.

Our night at the hotel, however, did not go nearly as smoothly as planned. The two pack-n-plays remained mostly empty. The babies have rarely traveled in their young, routine-filled lives, and the strange surroundings got to them. Quinn and I had a snugly night where every move one of us made woke the other one up. Around 3 she decided she was up for good. I would drift off and hear breathing, then open my eyes to see her little face staring at me from inches away. I couldn't help but laugh. Finally around 5 I made her a bottle and abandoned the sofa bed we were sharing, falling asleep on the floor while she did the same sprawled out on the bed. Chris had a similar night with John, and finally abandoned the big bed to John and Carly. At one point I woke up and found him sitting in a hard chair, and at 6 am he headed down to the continental breakfast for a hot chocolate. While our trip was fun, that night in the hotel has made us chicken to ever go anywhere ever again.

The next day we were scheduled to see the tulips and other Dutch attractions Holland, MI has to offer. They really play up the Holland thing, with tulips, windmills, and wooden shoes to be found in abundance. As Chris and I drove down State St, it was literally lined with tulips. It was beautiful. 

We woke up on Friday to freezing cold windy rain. Welcome to Michigan. I was frustrated because 1) I had been wanting to see the tulips since we moved here, and 2) I packed for summer. We ended up meeting Chris's parents at Walmart, where they purchased shoes and jackets for our crew at the cheapest cost possible, meaning I ended up in a XL hoody off the little girls clearance rack (which Chris so kindly said reminded him of bubble gum: "You look like the jr high queen bee.") and $10 old lady shoes. Carly excitedly picked out some gaudy Tinkerbell shoes, and Chris walked out with a Mr Rogers sweater. At least Quinn got some seriously cute shoes, and John got a glow in the dark Batman shirt. We were a sight to behold, that is for sure. But we were ready to check out some tulips in the freezing rain.

We perused the store with Dutch trinkets of all kinds, including all sorts of wooden shoes. Chris and I got a ornament and a magnet, because you can't go anywhere without getting an ornament and a magnet. And grandma and papa got Carly a mini pair of adorable yellow wooden shoes. The tulips were beautiful, but it was super cold. We were really just enjoying being with papa, grandma, and aunt Sarah. We walked around, shivering and blue-lipped, and snapped some cute pictures, then headed off to warm up at Red Robin.

As it turned out, we did not actually go to the tulip festival. We went to a wonderful tulip garden with a Dutch shop, but the full tulip festival was in downtown Holland. Next year, our final May in Michigan, we are going for reals, and its going to be a warm beautiful sunny day. I won't stand for anything less.

It was a pleasant, exhausting trip. All three of our littles snoozed the entire way home, while I worked to keep Chris awake using graham crackers and roadtrip questions I found on Pinterest. But it was just what the doctor ordered. Some sweet time with my sweet family. The sand and sun. Some beautiful flowers and a little culture. And a Red Robin Royal Burger.

It doesn't get much better than that.

my piece of foreign sky.

When I went off to college at 19, I had a plan.

One part of that plan was to study abroad in London.

I love history, and Europe is dripping with it.

I had always wanted to go, and to live there would be beyond my wildest dreams.

And then, a month later, I met Chris.

There were prayers and prayers and prayers.

And in the end, my choice was no choice at all.

We married and began our life together.

I became a mother 3 years later.

And 2 and a half years after that, two more babies showed up on my doorstep.

I see people going to Europe, jetting off to exotic islands, and experiencing the beauty of the world, and I am happy for them, but my heart aches to do the same. It longs to see it all.

I first saw this shortly after Carly was born, and whenever I read it, it hits perfectly home in my heart:

You are the trip I did not take;

You are the pearls I cannot buy;

You are my blue Italian lake;

You are my piece of foreign sky.

Some day I will go to Europe.

Chris and I will make it one day, even if its when all our kids are grown and gone.

I'll see the sites, I'll soak up every drop of history and beauty, and I will love every second.

But I already know the most beautiful piece of Europe will not hold a candle to John's sloppy kisses, Quinn's sweet giggles, or Carly's brilliant words.

Just today John started taking shaky, unsteady first steps. You should see his face when he comes falling into my arms. You should see how thrilled he is. And my soul soars with every step he takes, every success he and his sisters make.

Motherhood is so incredibly hard.

But these little wild ones are my greatest adventure.

And here in a small townhouse in Michigan, where I spend my days cleaning and feeding and singing and reading and wiping tears and giving kisses, they are my piece of foreign sky.

at the beach.

It is not often that I break out my big camera. 

The ease of the iPhone wins out on almost every occasion.

But yesterday we went to the beach, and I broke her out.

More on our trip to come, but I couldn't help but share an outrageous number of pictures.

It was a beautiful day at Lake Michigan.

It was hazy, and the sky and water blended so perfectly, you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

And I've never seen anyone love anything as much as John loved the beach.

Enjoy.

spring in our step.

Spring seems to have taken its pretty little time getting here.

Lots of rain.

Cold temperatures.

Even late snow.

But that's life in the mitten, and we went on celebrating the season, whether it showed up for the party or not.

We continued our tradition of "Baseball Day" on Opening Day. Unfortunately it was the same day Chris's first comp started, so it wasn't quite as festive as usual. But we got dressed up in our Cubbies best, enjoyed festive cupcakes, and even found daddy a figurine of one of the Cubs' best players on the clearance shelf at Target for $3 (talk about random; Chris said "You bought me a baseball figurine?" Ha!). My Cubbies kids just get cuter and cuter.

[what a difference a year makes.]

We also hit the great outdoors the instant it was acceptably warm enough. We dug in the dirt and discovered chalk and tried out swings. The babies LOVE being outside, rain or shine. One day we went out to play in the rain and they all just loved it, but watching Q gave me the strongest deja vu back to Carly at the exact same age, playing in the rain in the exact same place. Time really does fly, doesn't it?

We also decided to beautify the front of our home a bit. There was this big outdoor basket and cute pillow at Target I was drooling over, and my mom was kind enough to get them for me as a "hostess gift", you know, since I blew up her air mattress and let her use our shower. We went to Lowe's for flowers and, surprise, surprise, Carly picked a pink pot and purple flowers. We planted them and they are currently clinging to life since this mama has a black thumb and baby sis REALLY loves to attack them. And last but not least: the rainbow stepping stones. My mom and I got them when she was here, hauling them out of the car in the pouring rain, which was totally fun.  But it rained the remainder of her stay, so we had to wait for the sun to come out before we could paint them. I spray paint all 10 with multiple coats, and by the time I was done I was pretty much cursing the rainbow under my breath. But they turned out really cute, and are a fun little addition to our home.

We got Carly a new bike for her birthday in August, and she promptly grew out of it over the winter. Talk about frustrating. We pulled it out when the temps warmed up and knew we'd have to find a new one. Luckily we have another girl to ride the little one eventually. Chris took a morning off and he and Carly headed up to Walmart for a bike-finding daddy-daughter date. I told Chris one rule: if at all possible, no characters. They came back with the perfect pink and purple bike, and the cutest little basket to match. Chris informed me there was one with Princesses all over, even on the training wheels, a second with a giant Barbie face, and this one. He didn't even let her see the other two. The new bike fits her perfectly and she can actually pedal with ease! She also goes significantly faster with the bigger wheels, which has led to some big-girl crashes. She has been hesitant to try again here and there, but she is doing really well and loves it for the most part.

Last week we decided to hit the zoo. It was on our list of things to do while Mimi and Grandpa were here . . . but that dang rain. Some friends joined us and we had a pleasant morning scoping out animals, showing off our loudest growls, and watching a lot of peacocks walk around (seriously, there was a peacock whenever you turned around). 

Despite Chris's intense schedule, we've also managed to squeeze in some family time. One Saturday we enjoyed MSU's Small Animals day, where we met a cow named Chocolate, petted little animals, got a horse painted on Carly's cheek, and tested out her cowgirl roping skills. Quinn had a funny and adorable fascination with the lambs; she stared at them excitedly and then reached for them when I pulled her away. It was pretty much the cutest ever. I, for one, was tempted to slip a baby chick in my pocket. Too bad they don't stay that little. Another Saturday daddy came from campus and met us at a park for a Boston Market/McDonalds picnic. It was such a beautiful evening, and we were all so happy to have him there with us. And apparently Quinn got her mama's affinity for rotisserie chicken.

I felt like we were waiting forever for the sun to came out. We were on a walk with Carly once on a chilly rainy day and she randomly started screaming "I WANT SPRING!" I didn't stop her. I wanted spring, too, and maybe nature would hear her cries.

And it did. Because the sunshine is here and shorts and sundresses have been broken out. Lately we have been coming in each evening for bath time dirty, rosy-cheeked, and skin-kneed, with a little spring in our step.

be the good.

There is a paved trail here in Lansing that we like to frequent. It has beautiful scenery and leads to a park with a man-made lake and a playground. I went on a walk/jog with the kids today with my precious new jogging stroller. We cruised along until we reached a little dock and stopped to enjoy the view. I looked down at Quinn, and she only had one shoe.

A few days ago I took the kids shoe shopping by myself, because shoe shopping with three little people is super easy. We have gotten Carly these Nike sandals the past two years, and were planning to make it three. They are the perfect kid sandal, easy to get on, well-made, comfortable, and light. They are also Nike, and as a family of five on a student income, they are a splurge. So we got Carly her third pair and Quinn's walking skills earned her her first pair. They are adorable.

So here I am, a mile into my jog, and Q is missing one of her sandals. The girl has a history of ditching her shoes, and I'm angry at myself for having her wear them in the first place. I felt genuine sadness and a bit of panic: two day old expensive shoes that were meant to last an entire summer, gone.

So Carly and I headed back down the way we came to find it. "There is something pink!" Carly exclaimed. Oh, you mean that lady walking in a pink shirt? Yes, very helpful, thank you. I scanned the ground methodically, feeling hopeless. About a half a mile back, I think I do spy something pink. And as I came closer, I was probably a little happier than I should have been. There it was, placed up on a post by a thoughtful passerby.

That passerby had no idea what that sandal meant. They didn't know it belonged to one of three children of a PhD student and his stay-at-home wife, who live tight and spend carefully. They had no idea that a stressed mama was praying she'd find it. They had no idea that they would totally make my day. But they saw a shoe, and they put it somewhere where the person looking for it couldn't miss it.

A few weeks ago we were at library story time. We stayed too long and the babies were losing their minds, and right then Carly decided to throw a tantrum because she wanted me to come pick a movie with her. So I locked the babies in the stroller and headed down the movie isle while they screamed. I was frazzled. I was tired. I was on the verge of tears. I get like that when they are winning. But as Carly picked her movie (Princess and the Frog for the 700th time? Sure!), I noticed the screaming had stopped. I walked out to find a mother with two older children, reading my babies a book. Tears of gratitude sprung to my eyes and I blinked them away. "Thank you so much," I told her. She looked at me and said, "I've been there. It gets better." And she wasn't judgmental, she wasn't sarcastic, she wasn't negative. She meant it. And her words lifted me up that day.

That was a long story about a lost shoe and a random story about how I'm a wreck at the library, I know. But I've been thinking a lot about kindness today; a lot about "good". 

I was on a run the day of the Boston Marathon bombings and I was thinking about all the evil in the world. Shootings at elementary schools and bombs at marathons. What will be next? I looked up at the beautiful trees and felt the first warm breeze of the year on my cheeks, and I think Heavenly Father was reminding me that there is so much beauty. There is so much good. It is moments like the ones I shared that remind me of that good. As a mom of three littles, I'm the recipient of a lot of judgmental looks and snide comments, but I'm also the benefactor of doors held open, smiles shared, and kind words.

Today I resolved to try a little harder to be a little better. I get caught up in my crazy little circus and rarely notice the needs of those around me, whether big or small. I want my kids to be the kind of people who hold doors, offer smiles, pick up dropped items, and read books to screaming babies. Because you never know when you'll make someone's day.

scenes from the C house.

Things are going on in the C House.

I feel like there is so much to remember. 

The thought of forgetting anything ever is heartbreaking, but I suppose that is life. That's why they say to "enjoy it while it lasts" and "enjoy the journey."

Its hard on the loudest and crankiest days, but I often find myself peeking into a room or walking around a corner and finding the sweet scenes that make this life of mine so good (and so crazy).

• Quinn is edible. Chris rocks her to sleep every night while we watch West Wing (fun routine, huh? Chris is the baby whisperer) and then we both stare at her because she is just breathtaking. She is a little walking pro who loves to climb up up up. I brought our slide up from the basement and she crawls up but is afraid to go down without help. If Q is crying, she is usually stuck on top of the slide. She thinks she's funny, and she's pretty right on with that. She is a blankie girl, often dragging one around, especially her big pink one that she sleeps with. She also has a special affection for a big green monkey. She'll wrap her arms around it with a big smile and body-slam hug it into the ground.

• John has a small psychotic obsession with the great outdoors. Like the second you crack the door he charges, and if you close it, he throws himself on the ground and screams. And when you drag him inside, even in pouring rain, he does the same thing. He doesn't mind that he can't walk, he just likes to crawl around and get super dirty and bang sticks and try really hard to escape into the road. He is driving me a little nuts, waking up multiple times still and acting a bit like he's 3 months old. He's been needy and whiny. And then Chris sticks his finger in his mouth and discovers 3 big ol' molars poking through. I swear the kid has been teething for 8 straight months.

• The twins are terror tornado toddlers, for reals, these days. They can dismantle a room in about 17 seconds. Its hard to keep up with one, but two is just for crazy people. So I often just watch, because they are funny, and any mess can be cleaned up. They make the biggest mess while eating, throwing a ton of food all over the floor and dumping sippy cups. John recently started exfoliating his face and shampooing his hair with his meal, while Quinn sucks on her food and then spits the remnants out all over herself. Makes for mess mealtimes and multiple outfit changes, if they are lucky enough to be wearing clothes in the first place.

• There are kids in the neighborhood that Carly likes to play with. Well, she's getting used to the "playing" idea. She'll play all day with kids from the ward, but it is like the neighborhood kids are wild unknowns, and she spends a lot of time just looking at them. For some reason, I feel a little anxiety about the kids. Its not the kids, its just the idea of letting her go, having her be exposed to people I don't know. I watch her, and we have rules, and it is an opportunity to teach kindness and good choices from early on. But its just bizarre this phase is upon us. I'm not old enough for this.

• We tested Carly for Celiac disease. It came back negative, so naturally we went out and got her a doughnut. She still complains of tummy aches, so I might just declare her gluten sensitive and limit her intake. We'll see.

• Carly, I dare say, is 100%, dry-through-the-night, independent, no-longer-afraid-to-poop, potty trained girl. The 16-month method was not exactly what we had in mind when we started. It was process to say the least, but she has just taken the final leaps and bounds in the last few weeks, I'm incredibly proud of her. She was ready, so she did it. She's always been that way, I'm not sure why I'm surprised.  

• The kids are all very sweet with each other, and it is interesting to see their individual relationships develop. Carly and Quinn play a little more sophisticated. They play with toys, give each other kisses, and interact and communicate in their own way. Carly and John are more physical, tackling, tickling, sliding, giggling, snuggling. Carly and John also have very similar temperaments. Chris and I joke that they are going to tear each others' heads off as teenagers because they are too much alike, and Quinn will be the peacekeeper because she is just her own little unique thing. Quinn and John are getting super cute, making each other laugh, playing peekaboo around the couch, and holding hands at meals. They will both climb up on the slide and look at each and start giggling. Their personalities are all so different, but they find ways to mesh with each other so well. Sometimes. The rest of the time its mostly just screaming.

• I recently started running again, after taking an extended hiatus after my dehydration hospital adventure. I felt so weak and so nervous and had very little confidence in my body for a while. I lost a lot of weight and pretty much felt like doing nothing but eating and sleeping. But I'm working on getting back in it, and my half-marathon goal is clinging to life. I'm also in the midst of sugar rehab, because eating an entire pan of scotcheroos in two days and a package of cookies in one day is typically frowned upon. I went through some painful withdrawals for a few days, but it is going well. Ummm, well-ish.

• Chris has his oral comps on Monday. Its the final step before going ABD ("all but dissertation") and we are praying hard for success. He has worked incredibly hard, and I can't even believe we're at this point. I remember arriving in Michigan and feeling like we had forever, and now our months are numbered. This is our home; we have been so blessed. The thought of leaving has begun to enter my mind, and it makes my heart hurt. So I'm not going to think about it anymore. Karma, prayers, and crossed-fingers for Chris on Monday.

Life is beautiful.

Scenes are sweet.

These kids are as good as it gets.

xoxo.