Staying Positive

I've been thinking that between waiting on grad school, school being insane (don't get me started on this week), and an extreme lack of sleep over the last, well, 3 years really, I have kind of negative and overly stressed. It's really a waste, because there are so many little things that make me happy if I stop for a minute to think about them:

First, the Cubbies are back! They were on ESPN2 today, which was great because we usually don't get to see them out in Utah. Last summer we were in Indiana so we got EVERY game, it was amazing. They lost today, which is sad, but only after Fukudome hit a 3 run homerun in the bottom of the ninth to tie it up and send the game to extra innings. Gotta love baseball.

Scaring Chris. This sounds insane, but Chris and I like to jump out of random places and scream to scare each other. For some reason its so funny when I do it to him, but less funny when he does it to me. Either way, it makes me laugh really hard. I must still be 10 years old.

The end of the semester is so close! Oh, I cannot wait. I'm going to Spring term and taking 9 credits, which is a little crazy, but Spring term is so much better than Fall/Winter. I love how Campus and Provo empty out as student leave for the summer. Its warm and sunny and EMPTY and relaxed. And this semester has been so busy, I'm ready to be done and never look back, ha ha. Its weird though, because if we go to Tennessee this will be my last full semester at BYU (after this Spring, I'd just finish my last two minor classes Independent Study).

Laughing with Chris. Luckily, Chris has the capability to make me laugh regardless of the mood I'm in. He has a genuine sense of humor; it is so different than mine, which is more sarcasitic and ironic. Its refreshing.

Accidental naps. Sometimes I think I'm going to lie down for a minute and end up sleeping for 2 hours. While this always makes me 'mad' because I just lost precious homework time, I really love it because I catch up on the sleep I've been missing so desperately.

Little puppy. This is ridiculous, but Chris got me this stuffed animal puppy for Valentine's Day and I think she is so cute. "Little Puppy" was the best name I could come up with, but for some reason I have a tendency to become attached to stuffed animals. So does my little brother--my mom worries she didn't get us enough stuffed animals as kids so now its backfiring.

Laughing out loud to jokes in political science that no one else seems to catch. My poli sci professor has my kind of sense of humor: dry wit. Sometimes he makes jokes about political things, really subtle dry jokes that sometimes sound serious. And I laugh, loudly. And often I'm the only one who does. The other day I laughed out loud at a joke he make about introducing Adam Smith to the Soviet Union. I was the only one.

Welcome to Relief Society

Well, I've been a real slacker with the whole "what did you learn at church today" thing. But that doesn't mean I give up. ha ha. Today I is different though, as its not about something specific. Last Sunday night as we got back into town from Idaho, we called the 2nd counselor in our Bishopric (he had called earlier), and asked when he wanted to come talk to us. He said that night would be best--it was 9:00 at night. Oh, great, I thought; Chris had 2 callings already, what are they going to do now. Turns out is wasn't for Chris. He called me to be 2nd counselor in our ward's new relief society presidency. Surprise!! I didn't even know our current president was leaving.

As for what 'I learned in church today': First, when the Lord says he will take you weaknesses and make them strong, He isn't kidding. Being in the Relief Society presidency completely exploits all my weaknesses (I'll spare you the details). I only pray those weaknesses become strengths (sooner rather than later, please). Second, sometimes things you think you don't want have the potential to become the answer to prayers. For a while I've felt like I'm struggling making friends in this new ward. Its hard for me to approach new people and strike up a conversation, so its my weakness that is preventing me from getting to know people. I'm looking forward to getting to know more of the girls in my ward and feeling a little more "at home" there.

So despite the unexpected nature of this new calling, I'm exciting for a new challenging experience. We'll see how it goes. . .

SYS: Save Your Skin

The last couple of days I've been working on a research paper for my Medical Sociology class about how society influences people to tan, which in turn leads to an increased risk of skin cancer. I've been reading scholarly article after scholarly article about how tanning leads to skin cancer, and its starting to freak me out. Tanning is rampant in our society. And as the weather starts to warm up, tanning salons will fill with people (mostly women) looking for that perfect bronze glow. Most people know the risks, but just assume "It won't happen to me." Sorry, people, but it will.

Love my pasty white skin

I've been blessed with pasty white British Isles skin, what researchers call "Fitzpatrick Skin". My junior year of high school I fell susceptible to the socially constructed view of tan as beautiful. I bought a 25 tan pass (yuck!) and started going once a week. I eased my way into it, and I actually started to TAN. This was a first for me, as I have a tendency to go from red to white to red to white. Tans are rare. The sad thing is, everything people love about tanning is true: I looked great, I looked skinnier, felt better about myself, etc. A number of weeks after I began my tanning campaign I had an appointment with a dermatologist (acne check-up). In the course of the appointment we got on the subject of moles and I mentioned I had a weird one on my back. As he looked at it, he noticed my tanner-than-natural skin. He had two things to say: first that mole on my back was dangerous, it had to be removed and sent to a lab immediately; second, how could I possibly decide it was a good idea to tan? He wasn't kidding about the mole, he sliced it out that day. That week I was a wreck. How could I have ignored the warnings? Even if you don't have "Fitzpatrick skin" like I do, tanning is a stupid thing to do, and I am usually a very rational person. Over the week I prayed to Heavenly Father that I wouldn't have cancer, and I promised I would NEVER enter a tanning bed again. At the end of the week I got a call: all was clear, but don't go tanning anymore.

I didn't go tanning for a long time--not even for my wedding. Last summer however, I fell again. Chris and I were going to Lake Michigan for our anniversary and we both wanted to look "good". So we decided to try JUST ONE visit to a tanning salon. The result: Chris's back was roasted; I was untouched, but racked with guilt. I had promised, then had broken that promise. That alone reaffirmed my conviction to never go tanning again, not to mention my poor husband's red back.

However, I like to have a little color just as much as the next girl. When the sun comes out and I start wearing shorts its nice not to have blinding white legs. Luckily, today's world has very acceptable alternatives to cancer-inducing beds. Self-tanning lotions have evolved a lot. Orange streaks are completely avoidable. My favorite is Dove Energy Glow. It doesn't make me look super tan, but it gives a little tint of color--me looking super tan is gross and unnatural anyway. Also, it doesn't leave streaks or show up orange. Just put a little on every night and you gradually get a little tint. Lots of products these days work that way. So avoid the tanning salon, use sunscreen, and check out the beauty section of stores to find a product that can give you a HEALTHY glow.

P.S. Interesting note for vacationers: tanning in beds before going on vacation is NOT SAFER. You may not feel pain from a sunburn, but you are just as likely, or more likely, to get skin cancer. Use sunscreen, please.

Reason #231 why you should wear sunscreen:

Decisions, Decisions

(Disclaimer: NO decision has been made about graduate school. These are just a few of the 2 billion thoughts that have gone through my head the past few days.)

When it comes to insignificant things, I'm one of the worst decision makers on the planet. I can't ever decide what movie to watch, where to go out to eat, what to have for dinner, what to wear (like today, for example). I think it drives Chris crazy sometimes. But the big decisions, the ones that really count, usually come easily to me, probably thanks to the help of a loving Heavenly Father.
BYU was a no-brainer for me. I had been planning to be a Cougar for longer than I can remember. It was the only place I even applied to--no other school was worth the application fee.
But sometimes you plan things, things you think are supposed to happen because they seem to work perfectly. When I entered BYU as a freshman, my plans were set. I had a missionary who had just left. I was going to marry him. But in the mean time, I had two years to become a brilliant history major, study abroad in Europe, run a lot (I would never say I wanted to do something as insane as a marathon), and learn how to be an independent woman. It was coming together perfectly. Then funny things started to happen. I was signed up to live in the dorms (that would keep me away from any returned missionaries who might try to woo me), but I got a strong feeling that wasn't the right place for me. My sister-in-law told me about an off-campus apartment complex, so I pulled out of the dorms and decided to live there. A month after arriving at BYU I met Chris in that apartment complex. And somewhere between the day I first laid eyes on him and December I realized I wouldn't be able to live without him. Somewhere in there I learned I could never be a history major and fell in love (for some strange reason) with sociology. My plans were falling through. What about the missionary? The brilliant historian? Europe? I thought things had been planned perfectly. Its funny how un-perfectly things were working out. But the new spontaneous plan was making me happy. It was what I wanted. I wanted Chris; I didn't really know love until I knew Chris. So I made the decisions, and 'Dear Johning' the missionary was an easy decision (compared to some girls I know). And it has worked out beautifully. I have, thus far, become everything I really wanted to become all along (including, believe it or not, the 'independent woman' -- in a married woman kind of way;-)

Now the point of all this is the current decision on the table. Chris and I had everything worked out perfectly. He would go to Purdue. We would stay here until I graduated in December and then go to Indiana, where he would start school in January (Purdue was the ONLY school that would let him do that). We would be in a familiar place, have family in town and in nearby Chicago (not to mention the proximity to Wrigley Field). It was the perfect plan--until we didn't get into Purdue. What?! How could that be? It was the PERFECT PLAN! It jolted me; I had no idea what we were going to do (still don't, actually). Today, the main debate is between the old and the new, the easy and the hard, BYU and Tennessee. The thought of staying at BYU is a comfortable one, but also a heartbreaking one. It is easy: no moving, stay near family, stay by all these Mormons (sad, but true), stay somewhere we know we can deal with. But I just feel like we (Chris, especially, but also me and our future family) deserve better than that. The education and opportunities Tennessee has to offer far exceed those offered at BYU. And by 'far' I mean FAR. It would be an adventure: a wonderful, horrifying, exciting, frightening adventure. The thing is, 80% of me really wants to go to Tennessee. However, the other 20% of me is very VOCAL. It is so scared to even consider trying to move to a strange place, so far away from everything I have ever known. Honestly, more than anything else, it hurts my heart to think about being so far from my mother. (Yes, I'm a baby.) I am really close to my mom and love her so much and the though of being permanently away (yes, there are airplanes--but tickets are out of our price range these days) is really, really hard. Don't get me wrong, Chris is my priority, my everything, and if Tennessee is right, we will go to Tennessee and have a wonderful experience. I just keep wishing the University of Tennessee was somehow magically in Eastern Idaho.
Well, this was complete blabbering on my part. The point is decisions are hard; sometimes harder than you expect them to be or want them to be. And what is even harder is that the right choice is quite frequently the harder one.

And Here We Have Idaho . . . .

This weekend we took a quick trip to Pocatello to see my family. All of my brothers went too, so it was a big party with the whole family there. I handed in my research paper Friday morning, so it was nice to not do ANY homework or even think about school all weekend. While up there, we went to two of my high school friends' wedding receptions, the Dodge National Circuit Finals Rodeo (it was AWESOME!--Chris's first rodeo;-), Coldstone, had lots of family time, and celebrated Easter. I love going home and seeing my parents and being together as a whole family. Some pictures:

The Rodeo

Me and my mommy; I have a feeling she won't appreciate this picture

Chris always was a chick-magnet

Final Grad School News

Unfortunately it isn't as good as the past news! We didn't get accepted Purdue. It is a weird twist in the road because Purdue had always seemed like an obvious easy choice. We were kind of subconsciously planning on it, I think. Well, the Lord has something else in store for us; hopefully we'll figure out what it is exactly! Now we weigh the options between Tennessee, BYU, and U of U!

Grad School Saga Continues

Chris got another letter today, this time from BYU. He got in! Its about time. So we can add that one to the list of considerations. There is some annoying news, however: Chris talked to Purdue yesterday and they said we might not hear a decision from them until the end of APRIL! That is crazy; Chris told them he needs to know before that, and the lady said she would "check on" his application. We really can't wait that long; it would drive us crazy & the other programs need to hear back before then. So hopefully we will hear back from her soon. But its exciting that he got into BYU!