"We Have Power to Do These Things . . ."

Late edit: so Chris read this after I posted it, and he said that it made me sound les miserables and him sound like he's being tortured in grad school. That honestly was not my intent. In fact, I was in quite a good mood when I wrote this and all of it was written in humor. Challenges are challenges, and if these are the "hard" parts of my life, I'll take it; because I actually love Knoxville and I'm happy we're here. My point was sometimes little things bug you; and the scriptures can be an answer to any question and a great source of comfort. That being said, on to the original post:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . .

(I've been wondering when I'd get the chance to use a cliche line from famous literature.)

But that's really how I feel sometimes here in Knoxville. One minute everything is good and flowing nicely, then the next day it gets all . . . . crappy (love that diction).

I would never say my problems are all that significant in the long run. I'm ridiculously blessed and fortunate. I have the things that really matter: food, shelter, Chris, the Gospel, loving family (not necessarily listed in order of importance). So I'm lucky. And I know I'm lucky, and I'm grateful that I'm lucky. But that doesn't always prevent the crappiness.

One problem is called Chronic Lateness and I have yet to find a solution. It doesn't matter what time something is, I can't make it there on time. In Provo, church started at 1:30. I don't think we made it on time the whole year. Whether I wake up early, on time, or late, I'm always late to my destination. This has been particularly bad here because I drop Chris off on the way to work. Due to my chronic lateness, he is late, then I am late. And he HATES being late, especially in graduate school. So we leave the house in a rush and huff, and both start out our days rough. Go, me. Now, I know this specific "trial" is my fault, but I've seriously done everything I can think of to correct the problem to no avail. And it makes me so mad inside. I don't know whats wrong with my internal time-keeper.

Another problem is called Bad-Job. I work in a nice place with really nice people. My job is defined as "temporary" which means they'll keep me working 40 hour weeks as long as they need me--but don't have to give me benefits. I'm desperately trying to find a great permanent job, but in the meantime I'm here. At it would be great . . . if I had something to do. I think they hired me thinking they could use the extra help, but when I got here it turns out they really don't need me all that much. I just sit here probably 6 out of 8 hours during the day. Its torture for me, and awkward any time someone walks by. The just don't have any work for me to do. So I feel useless . . . and the days pass by painfully slow.

Then bring on the "Beyond Spousal Loneliness". I have Chris. That is wonderful. Without him I'd be horribly sad and lonely (granted, I probably wouldn't be in Tennessee, but that's beside the point). I'm glad Chris and I can make this adventure together. But we have no friends. We have no family (ok, we see Jenny on Sundays, but still.) It has been surprisingly lonely here. And when people are jerks and school and work and you feel like no one has any idea who you are or where you are coming from and you don't get to see your spouse for 7 more hours . . . then its really lonely.

Finally, I have a serious case of "Can't-help-ya-there". Graduate school is a biggy. Its hard. We expected it to be, but its really hard. And Chris can get frustrated now and then, and I don't blame him. But I can't help him. I can speak soothing words the best I can, and that helps, but in the end I can't make classes easier, I can't make classmates nicer, and I can't make professors more helpful. And I know absolutely nothing about Exercise Physiology. In fact, I have a hard time spelling exercise. But I wish I could make it all better. I wish I could smooth the way. I wish I could help in any way beyond soothing words. But I can't. And unfortunately I think graduate school all about the bumpy ride.

(I don't mean to complain--I'm actually quite happy these days. Just venting a few minor frustrations.)

So yesterday morning I was reading in Jacob 4 (The Book of Mormon) and you know how the scriptures you read always seem to apply to you specifically? That's crazy how that works. This is what I read (I bolded my favorite parts) . . .

7 Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things.

8 Behold, great and marvelous are the works of the Lord. How unsearchable are the depths of the mysteries of him; and it is impossible that man should find out all his ways. And no man knoweth of his ways save it be revealed unto him; wherefore, brethren, despise not the revelations of God.

9 For behold, by the power of his word man came upon the face of the earth, which earth was created by the power of his word. Wherefore, if God being able to speak and the world was, and to speak and man was created, O then, why not able to command the earth, or the workmanship of his hands upon the face of it, according to his will and pleasure?

10 Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works

So basically, the Lord gives weaknesses and trials to show us we have the faith and strength to overcome them. We can't understand the way He works. But if He can create the Earth and create man by simply speaking, then can't he make sure our lives will turn out just right if we follow Him? Why yes He can. I know that. And that's why I love the last line the most: "For behold, ye yourselves know . . . ." You know. You have faith in the Lord. You know. Now its all about just keep on keepin' on from here on out.

Gotta love that BoM. It makes me smile.