The Girl Who Cried Wean.

Warning: this post is about breastfeeding. I will avoid giving you TMI, but it is still an “earthy” subject, as my mother says. Know you were warned.
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Disclaimer: I do not care how you feed your child. I know every parent does what is best for their situation, and that is great. I am also fully aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. If I wasn’t, Carly would have been formula fed after about 3 days. This is just my view, my experience. I’d love to hear yours.
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I can’t believe its taken me six whole months to write a post on something that has been a bit consuming for me since Carly was born. Oh, the adventure of breastfeeding. And the girl who cried wean? That’s definitely me.
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I once thought everyone breastfed. I thought it was stages: breastfeed, formula, baby food, real food. I also thought breastfeeding was easy. Pop the baby on, she eats for a bit, and then is good for several hours. Then I got pregnant and started reading all sorts of stuff on how very wrong I was. But I also read about the extraordinary benefits of breast milk. I never really considered not breastfeeding. I knew it was good for mom and for baby. I heard it was hard, but I knew that having a baby would be hard.
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I seriously can’t remember if I breastfed Carly right away after birth. I mean, I know I didn’t when she was all slimy. But I can’t remember if I did before they took her away to get checked out. Seemed like she would have been hungry, right? And I told them no bottles and no pacifiers. So maybe I did.
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The first few times I remember breastfeeding Carly were no easy task. Her first day she was not interested in food. She wanted to sleep (sounds like her mother). The nurse would bring her in and Carly would latch on and take a few drinks and fall asleep. I could not get her to stay awake. The nurse would jab her in the ribs and she would eat a bit more then fall asleep. I was so freaked out that she would starve to death. They have all these rules about how brand new newborns need to eat, and I’m sure they are important, but in hindsight babies cry when they are hungry. They don’t sleep. Babies demand what they need. So next time around I won’t be so worried about the rules.
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I remember when we took Carly to the doctor for the first time when she was two days old. We were late and she of course wanted to eat. I was in pain and having a hard time adjusting to breastfeeding, so it was something I just couldn’t face. I had a little pumped milk that I had pumped to relieve pressure (oh, when the milk comes in. Isn’t that wonderful?) so I heated it up and poured it down her throat using a medicine spoon. Can you believe that? I was desperate and I had been told if I introduced a bottle too early she wouldn’t nurse. But she fell right to sleep. Should have used that trick more often.
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I was told to try to avoid offering a bottle until she was three weeks old. I remember the night before her three week mark I was exhausted and she wouldn’t eat and we were both crying and it was like 4 am. Chris finally convinced me to give her a bottle of breast milk and I was terrified she would never nurse again. She took it. And slept. And nursed the next morning. Guess that one day didn’t make a difference.
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Carly was a good breast feeder early though. I was lucky. I mean it was painful for a good 6 weeks, but that’s normal (whoever says 2 weeks is setting new moms up for disappointment). There was never chewing or colic or reflux or gas or any other of the million problems babies can have. She just wanted to eat ALL the time. Like 20 minutes to an hour apart. I was going insane. The situation was worsened by the fact that she started to sleep through the night at 4 weeks old. A blessing, for sure, but she had to make up for lost eating time. It was hard to get used to. I just sat on the couch for two months feeding her. Every day I texted Chris with something like “I can’t do this anymore. Lets just switch to formula” or “I’m going insane. Why is she always eating?”. Chris was very supportive and said he knew I could do it, but was fine if I wanted to stop. He is a great support. What kept me going at first? My pediatrician. She would tell me how great it was I was breastfeeding and how much Carly would benefit from it. But she never said it like I would be a loser if I stopped. I don’t know what it was. She was just gifted about subtly cheering me on, and after every visit I was like “Yeah, I can keep going!” But I’m pretty sure there was not a day in four months that I didn’t consider switching to formula.
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But somewhere around 3 months I realized things were evening out and calming down. She was still a frequent eater, but I was learning how to handle it. We were in a groove.
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At 5 ½ months in I was loving the breastfeeding life. No bottles to wash, no pain, she was a pro, no preparation. We were good, she was sleeping through the night, and we were soon to incorporate solids.
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Then it struck. The RSV.
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Carly would not nurse for one second when she was sick. Complete nursing strike. I was pumping to keep things going and keep Carly on breast milk. There are few things in this world I hate more than pumping. To make matters worse, my electric pump gave out right then and I was hand pumping. Fabulous. (Medela sent us a new one for free. Isn’t that nice?) Anyway, with the hand pump it was impossible to keep up and she was getting about 50/50 breast milk and formula. She did not nurse for 8 days. By then, she had learned there were much easier ways to get milk. When she got better I tried nursing her again with decreasing luck. At first she wouldn’t nurse for more than a few minutes, and now she won’t nurse for more than a few seconds. Awesome. So at this time I’m pumping full time, and giving her one maybe two bottles of formula a day. I’m not sure how long it will last. Remember how much I hate pumping?
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I haven’t yet started to miss nursing. We had an enjoyable 6 months, but when it comes to a baby eating or not eating, I choose eating. I think she is at a stage where we can snuggle and play and have lots of other experiences together so that the closeness you feel when you nurse isn’t quite as integral, though it is something I cherished when she was tiny. I do HATE having a bunch of bottles to clean every day. As if I don’t have a hard enough time keeping up with dishes. And I hate having to heat breast milk or mix formula. Seriously love the ready-made meals of breastfeeding. At this point I’m debating whether to just switch to formula instead of pumping. But if I can’t nurse her, I still like knowing I am giving her nutrition she can’t get anywhere else. I still try to get her to latch on a few times a day. Maybe she will snap out of if and start nursing again? Not sure I’m that lucky.
~Things I do like? I feel a bit freer. Not worried about if what I’m wearing is breastfeeding-friendly. I went wedding dress shopping and to lunch with some friends from Chris’s program today. I left Carly with Chris for FOUR hours. That is seriously the longest I’ve been away from her. It was a fabulous afternoon. Something I really needed. Minus the pumping, feeding her with a bottle is WAY faster than breastfeeding her. It only takes like 10 minutes to put her to bed now when it once took almost an hour! And she has been sleeping longer. Ten to twelve hours! And I’ve actually been getting her to take naps. Goodness, maybe I should have been pumping this whole time!
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Well that is my adventure. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to nurse Carly. It really is a gift only a mother can give. And I think next time around I’ll be more prepared for what to expect, though I have no idea how I’ll manage nursing with little-girl Carly running around!
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Now a request for advice. 1) We use Dr Brown bottles and really love them. We received a set as a gift so we only have a few and I’m constantly washing bottles, so we need more. But they are SO expensive. Do you think if Carly shows no signs of gasiness then an regular old bottle would work fine, or do you think its best to stick with what we know works? 2) Any tips for make bottle/formula feeding quicker/easier? Like if Carly wakes up in the night, how do I quickly feed her before she wakes up too much. I used to go in and pop her on the breast before she got too alert. At this point I prefer giving her a warm bottle, though that may change if I switch to formula.
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The end.