girls.

yesterday marked one year since we walked into the ultrasound room and found out a Carly was on her way. I remember counting forward and realizing that one year from then, our baby would be 7 months old. At the time, I couldn’t even imagine having a 7-month-old. Now here we are.
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I was shocked she was a girl. I was convinced we were having a boy. I was happy either way, of course. Convinced we were having a boy; kind of wishing for a girl. And then she was a girl. Suddenly I was looking at life through pink-colored glasses.The prospect of having a girl was not too daunting at the time. I thought so much about having a baby girl--all the bows and clothes--that I didn’t think about Carly growing up. These past few weeks I’ve been thinking about how fast she is growing, how she won’t stop even though we have asked her nicely too. I’ve been thinking constantly about teenage Carly.

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I work in the Young Women organization at Church. I look at what these girls deal with every day, at school, with friends, with boys. I look at how much more they have to stand up against than even I did, and I wasn’t in high school all that long ago. There is some seriously scary stuff in the world today, and it will change so much in the next 15 years. What kind of world will teenage Carly call home? What kinds of things will be on TV, what gadgets will be popular, what fashions acceptable? How do I make Carly strong enough to not just survive it all, but to thrive despite it all? How do I make her see the bigger picture, to understand the importance of modesty, prayers, virtue, temples, scriptures, kindness, service, and all of the things that lead to happiness? Its so hard to see that when you’re 16.

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A few weeks ago I was putting my make-up on and Carly was sitting in her bumbo watching me. She stared at my blush brush, so I ran the empty brush across her cheeks and said, “There, now Carly is pretty!” As soon as I said it, my heart sank. Carly is the most beautiful thing on this planet. And no blush, or lack thereof, can make her more or less beautiful. I vowed to never say something like that to her again, and to never talk about myself that way in front of her either. I don’t want her thinking make-up and clothes are what makes her beautiful. We can tell already she is a fun girl with loads or personality to go around. Its my job to make sure she knows that, too. Its my job to be an example to her, in word and deed. I’m beginning to realize that motherhood is even scarier than anticipated.

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I consider my mother one of my best friends. She is my example, the kind of woman, wife, and mother I want to be. Home was always a safe place, and my mother was always there with open ears and a bowl of dark chocolate covered almonds. Because of that, I always knew where to go when I needed help or a pick-me-up. I pray that Chris and I can create that kind of home for Carly and crew. I pray she will love me as much as I love my mom, and as much as I love her. And I pray she will come to me, she will open up, she will learn from the few tiny pieces of wisdom I have to offer. And I pray she will know who she is and love who she is and be grateful for who she is. Because she is awesome.

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And to think, I thought having a girl was all bows and dresses.