Getting Political . . .

. . . in the most superficial of ways. I get too fired up when I'm serious about politics and then I get hot and then when I cool down I'm cold, and I get cranky when I'm cold. And if I'm hungry? Forget about it.

The truth is, I like politics a lot. Hold up . . . I like government a lot. I like issues and substance and good people trying to make an honest improvement in the world a lot. Politics seems so be totally separate from all of that these days. The other day in the Daily Beacon (UT's student newspaper) someone wrote about how this election has been going on for over 2 YEARS already and how its always the same things said over and over and how everyone is bored and ready for this election already. That's how I feel. The next month is only going to bring more mud-slinging. Issues just aren't as important these days.

In that spirit, let's review each candidate while taking into consideration everything EXCEPT their political beliefs. Seems like that's what a lot of other people are doing. ("Like wow, so many movie stars wear Obama shirts. I have to have one!") Just so you know, I'm about 95% Republican (dang sociology major stole 5% of my soul) and I'm not watching for bias.

Democrats

Hitting lead-off for the Dems is Barack "Obama is My Homeboy" Obama. ("Oh, my gosh, Obama is so cute and he would be the first black president which is super awesome. And he even talks like a white person!"). The thing that drives me insane about Barack Obama is that he is such a pop culture movement. Fergie at the DNC convention, Oprah as a HUGE supporter, Matt Lauer worshipping him subtly (or not so subtly) in every news report, hip Obama t-shirts, shoes, panties . . . and exchanging emails with Scarlett Johannsson ("how cool is that!"). And all the lemmings who love how hip it is to love Obama. (Now if you know what you're talking about, and know what Obama really believes other than his spoutings of "change", and you are Pro-Obama, than that is wonderful. I'm glad you care about politics--no sarcasm). Anyway, I'm almost certain the Dems are going to win in November. People hate Bush that much and Obama is My Homeboy is too appealing. And there's a huge chance he'll get a Democratic House and Congress too---Matt, remember how you said Canada was too socialist? Wait 'til Obama is My Homeboy takes the reigns. Oh no! I'm getting too serious. Anyway, if it comes down to people looking at Obama is My Homeboy and looking and McMaverick McCain and saying "who should I vote for?", then Obama will win that straight up. Who could resist that smile?

Super-Obama's old and experienced sidekick is Joe Biden. Honestly the only time I ever see Joe Biden is when he is saying something mean about Sarah Palin. He seems like he's there to give the ticket some sort of merit and to be the attack dog. Actually, that's probably exactly why he is there. Really, I don't know anything else about him. That's all I have to say about that. ("Oh wow, does he really know Obama!? I'm so jealous!").
Republicans

Did you know John McCain was a POW? I had never heard that before! (please detect my sarcasm). I'm not belittling that one, trust me. McMaverick McCain has served this country his whole life and so did his father and now his sons are too. I think that's great. In fact, in a time of war a man who has spent a great deal of time in uniform would probably be a healthy little qualification. ("But he isn't email-pals with any movie stars!") And a HUGE bonus: his wife is so cute and SUPER stylish. My greatest fears about McCain: a war that never finds an end and the fact that he's kind of old. They say a 2-term presidency ages you 20 years (have you seen Bush lately? He looks horrible). That would take McMaverick to the ripe old age of 92. Hmmmm.
The Republican runner-up (she was runner-up for Miss Alaska too, poor girl) is Gov. Sarah Palin. I'm not gonna lie; I heart Sarah Palin. She's my BFF. She's cute and down to earth and smart and successful. She's got a beautiful husband and beautiful kids and comes from a beautiful state. She's funny and personable, like the kind of woman you'd want to meet for lunch at Applebees. But I'm not so sure she is ready to be a heartbeat away from the BiG Chair. Especially when that heartbeat is 72 years old. If I could have my way, I'd take 8 years off of John McCain's life and add it to Sarah Palin's.
Actually, if I REALLY had my way, I'd be able to vote for a Romney-McCain ticket. That would be nice. Talk about beauty and brains.

Don't forget to vote. Election Day is November 4th.