this is us.

We got our family pictures taken last week while we were visiting Chris's family. I have to say, I felt a lot of anxiety over the whole ordeal. We have not gotten family pictures done since Carly was 3 months old (though we got her pictures done when she was almost two; I still adore them), and I have been dying to. But three young kids smiling for pictures? Forget it. When we arrived at the shoot, it didn't take long to realize the kids were not going to go for it. John, bless his heart, the kid was as cranky as they come. I walked away feeling like we weren't going to get a single good picture. When Kim, our photographer, sent them my way, I was pleasantly surprised.

Each picture I looked at made me smile. They were not "perfect", but they were beautiful, and they captured how we really are so well. They captured the kids I want to remember, and isn't that why we get our pictures taken?

"This is us," I thought.

This is Carly.

Smart and outgoing and beautiful, and she's got an attitude to boot. She's going to be trouble. But she is so much fun. She cracks me up, shocks me, and challenges me. Carly has a heart of gold. Apparently my worry over the pictures leaked out more than I meant it too, because a few days beforehand she prayed, "Please help the family pictures to go well." First, she used "well" correctly. Second, she is so perceptive and caring. And she still finds time to spend hours making up songs that involve an intricate combination of Disney and Primary themes.

This is Quinn.

I seriously thought every single picture was going to be of her "stone face", as we affectionately call it around here. She is a reserved little thing, and it takes her a while to warm up and come out of her shell. She's like her mama that way. But when she does, my goodness, be ready to eat her with a spoon because she is heartbreakingly sweet and mind-numbingly cute. She is happy and silly, but still very intricate. I want her to stay exactly this size forever.

 This is John.

John is the most frustrating human being on the planet. He goes from screaming crazy grump to sweet smiling deliciousness in a matter of seconds, and you'll have no idea why. It is his way or the highway with J. The issue at the photo shoot was he wanted freedom to roam and explore and get filthy, and when we wouldn't give him that, there was little we could do to cheer him up. But the truth about John? That sweet boy is a lover, not a fighter. He's all about snuggles and kisses (really BIG kisses) and attention. He's pretty much like sweet and sour chicken, and who doesn't love that?

 

This is Erin.

I spend my days with these little people, and my heart aches over them. It aches because it cannot contain the love I feel as I watch their goodness, their comedy, their brilliance. It aches as I watch them grow, watch these precious days pass too quickly and too slowly at the same time. It aches as I fear the challenges they face, and it swells as I envision the successes they'll make. I have to say, they are the best thing I could do with my life, and nearly 4 years after first becoming a mother, I have finally fully embraced that. I have finally found peace in this greatest of callings.

This is Chris.

To say his children worship him does not begin to do the situation justice. You should see the three of them bouncing on the couch, waiting intently and watching out the window for him to come home each evening. You should hear the chorus of squeals and "daddy!"s and "dadadada"s when he finally appears in the window. He comes home and wrestle time commences while mommy takes a breather. He is a hard worker, and I can't wait to see the things he accomplishes in his career, whether they be great in the eyes of the world, or whether they be small and simple but great to the people he touches. But he is a daddy and a husband first and foremost, and he is already world-class at that.

This is me and him.

Nearly seven years later, folks, and we still got it. My heart still skips a beat when that door opens at the end of each day, and its not just because the reinforcements have arrived. It truly is remarkable how much our lives have changed, how greatly we have been blessed, since our simple and care-free BYU days. We didn't see cross-country moves in our future, we didn't see so many years of schooling and tight budgets, and we definitely didn't anticipate the pitter-patter of FOUR little feet at once. But there is no one else who makes me laugh like him. There is no one else who understands me like him. There is no one else who would put up with me, I'm sure. And there is no one else I'd rather share this journey with. 

This is us.

We're not perfect. Carly needs to move over a bit, or put her skirt down, or actually BE in the picture. We need to be better about getting to church on time, we should probably stay caught up on laundry, and my 15-month-olds should probably go to bed without a bottle. Yes, we have a lot to work on, but we're working on it together.

We're crazy and we're a mess.

But it sure is a beautiful mess.