about a boy.

What is it about little boys and their moms?

There is something about this boy.

He has a very special place in my heart.

I thought Carly was going to be a boy. I mean, I woke up one morning around 16 weeks and just had the "strongest impression". I had dreams about having a little boy with auburn/brown hair named John. So when we found out she was a girl, I was quite surprised. But she came, and she is amazing, and Chris and I both started to feel like, Well, girls sure are fun. We don't really need a boy.

When I heard Twin B was a boy, I half expected to be a little disappointed. Like I said, we like girls. But instead, I instantly fell in love with him. He caused all sorts of chaos while in the womb, made me feel like my tummy was going to split open, and gave me stretch marks that will be badges of honor for the rest of my life.

And then they came. My sweet John came half an hour after his sister. He didn't breath right away. They had to rub him a bit to get him going. And it took 10 days for him to be ready to come home. From the very beginning he is showing that he is going to do things his way, at his own pace.

John's extra days in the hospital were hard ones. I went to see him twice a day. It was long nights with a newborn at home, hectic days with a toddler and newborn, 15 minute commute to and from the hospital, and worries over progress. It was completely overwhelming, and more than one commute to and fro was spent in tears. But there was an hour to an hour and a half twice a day, the time I spent feeding and rocking and loving on John, that was peace. Those hours with John were therapy for me during a very emotionally challenging time. I was able to clear my mind, sit in calm silence, and remember what was most important. I will always cherish that time I had with John in the hospital.

Even though I worried about John, we always knew he would be ok. It was just a matter of how long it would take for his "light to turn on" as the doctors put it. Well, it is on now, and the boy eats like a champ for the most part. For that I am very grateful. I know our 10 days was nothing in the grand scheme of things. In the elevator on the way to pick him up to come home, another mother was headed to another floor . . . the NICU. She asked if I had just had a baby, and I said yes, he was coming home today after 10 days in the hospital. She said her baby was coming home today too. After 2 months. I told her how happy I was for her, and the elevator reached my floor. Our wait for John to be ready was small compared to mothers who spend months fighting for their babies to come home, and especially compared to mothers who's babies never come home. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father that everything turned out as it did. We are blessed.

After delivery, the doctor and resident were examining the babies' placentas. The doctor was showing the resident something, and Chris went to see what she was saying. It turns out, John's umbilical cord did not connect directly to his placenta. It was connected to blood vessels, which in turn were connected to the placenta. Chris asked if that was a problem. The doctor said that since the blood vessels stayed connected, it wasn't a problem. But the blood vessels could have torn easily. And if they had torn, John would have been cut off, and we wouldn't have known. "You dodged a bullet," the doctor said. John in our little miracle boy.

And now he is home.
And life is crazy.
I mean, things are really really crazy.

But it is a fabulous crazy.