Tuesday, March 31, 2009
School has (hopefully) finally come to an end. Studying for and taking finals was a strange blast to a past college life I have left in more ways than one. It was insanely exhausting considering it was only two tests. Its surreal to think about the amount of work I used to put into classes full-time. This phase of my life wouldn't allow it. Chris and I were talking the other day and he said he thought the Lord knew me well enough to know full-time studenthood and pregnancy wouldn't go hand in hand for me. I think he's right. I'm quite the pregnancy zombie, and school is so important to me I always gave it 100%. The Lord spared me my sanity (and my GPA), for which I'm grateful.
I get asked a lot what my degree is in. The answer "sociology" is often met with confused looks and an awkward "that's cool". This stems from two things: no one knows what it is and no one knows what you do with it. Honestly, I don't know what you do with it either. You go to grad school or get a job where you use the skills you learned more than the actual discipline. Sociology was just something I fell in love with. Something I loved going to classes about. Maybe I chose with my heart more than my head, but I got an education I loved and enjoyed, and I'll take it. If I had the guts, when asked what I want to do I would say: "I want to educate my kids. I want kids who understand the world and appreciate the people in it. I want kids who are civilly minded and care about things outside of themselves. I want to change the world through the people that come out of my home." That's what my mom did. She has a lawyer, a businessman of some sort, and a pro baseball player coming out of her home. I want to be a mom like my mom.
But I don't have guts like that. I usually say I'm not sure, that I'm considering grad school at some point. It makes me look like a crazy lost person, but I can only explain my inner thoughts to so many people. I would like to get a graduate degree someday--maybe. In high school I wanted a masters and a PhD. Husband and family could come later, I felt. But I met Chris and he changed my world. And then this funny feeling started coming where I didn't want anything more than to have a house full of kids. That (the kid) didn't come as fast or easy as I thought (though I'm not saying it was especially hard--we are blessed). This fall I started to worry more than I should have worried. After some inner dealings with myself and many talks with a supportive (and handsome) husband, I started to think about other options. There was a 1 year masters degree here at UT that looked really great. And I did well at BYU, so felt like I could get in and maybe even get an assistantship. One week I printed off the application and started looking it over, thinking about who could write recommendation letters. That Saturday I woke up and peed on a piece of plastic. It was my last one. And I had decided not to keep them in stock anymore. Turns out it was the last one I needed. Looking back its remarkable to me that the Lord blessed us in that way right when I became content with whatever was meant to be. It doesn't work that way for everyone, but it worked that way for us, and I'm so grateful.
Anyway, back to school: BYU is full of experiences I'll never forget. Walking across campus in flip flops and capri pants on the first sunny day of the year. Naps on JFSB hallway floors and the rare open couch. Doing poorly on yet another Book of Mormon quiz and walking into the little garden in the middle of the JSB; I went searching for ways to pass my class, and left with a confirmation on a whole different subject: Chris was the one. Emotional breakdowns from stress in the bathroom stalls of the JFSB. The way my ring sparkled in the lights of the Clyde Building auditorium the day after I got engaged. My beloved job in the office of a biology professor. Intermural soccer with our dearest friends. The "death walk" to the Testing Center. The bells playing "Come, Come, Ye Saints."
All of this reflection makes me think about the little girl wiggling inside of me. Will I drop her off at BYU in 19 years? Will her ring sparkle in auditorium lights? Will stress make her cry in the JFSB bathrooms? Will she play kubb in the grass by the Wilk? Life feels so slow at times, but in hindsight, it passes too quickly.
Excuse all my seriousness. You know that feeling at the end of the semester where you don't know what to do with yourself? Finishing school completely is like a caffeinated version of that.
So I'll end with a funny story. This morning I was getting dressed in the dull light of our bedroom (we cover the window with a blanket for extra darkness~classy, I know). I pulled out some pants that were a size too big, and figured they'd be much more comfortable these days. I knew they were blue, but looked really dark blue. Like almost black. Chris agreed and I paired them with a blue sweater. In the light of the bedroom, Chris said I looked great. In the car in the sunlight, however, Chris said "those pants are more blue than I thought." He was right. I'm in head to toe blue. I look like a smurf. Neat.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Al Pacino as Michael in The Godfather. So handsome back then, wasn't he?
So it was a great weekend. Sadly, we had to return to the real world today. Even sadder is that Chris's spring break is over--come and gone too quickly. As Chris got out of the car this morning, I was sad to see him have to return to the grind. In my best raspy Godfather voice, I said, "I never wanted this for you." (that's a famous line from the movie--the Godfather telling his youngest son he never wanted him to be a mob boss). Then I laughed really hard because I'm so funny and clever, and Chris laughed really hard because my Godfather voice really sucked.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Anyway, I read this this morning and it made me cry. What doesn't make me cry, you ask? Not a lot, but this was very sweet and a great perspective. This blog is hilarious, by the way. I really enjoy her stories.
Now to the point (as if there is ever really a point): have you ever wanted something so badly you think about it too much? Have daydreams about it? Plan out how your life would be if you have it? I'm not talking about a happy marriage or a beautiful baby or your dream job. I'm talking about materialistic things. Throughout my life there seems to always be something I really really want, and want for years possibly, but can't bring myself to buy. Its never an outrageously expensive thing (like $1000 high heels) but its usually something that costs just a tad more than I prefer to spend on that particular item. A few examples:
This isn't the exact one. They must not make it anymore because I couldn't find it. But it was the same idea as this. I loved that belt. In my mid teen years I would go visit it at Dillards whenever I went to the mall. I used to think of outfits I could wear with it, going on dates with it on, etc. Literally daydream about it. I had a job, and no real expenses other than gas and savings, so I probably could have gotten it. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to buy it, even though I literally wanted it for years. In fact, if I could find it today, I'd still want it. Whats funny is that I made other big purchases. One Christmas I even bought my boyfriend a Fossil watch. How dumb is that? Despite my drooling, I never got the belt.
These shoes were the cause of my drool during my late teen/early college years. I love Puma shoes in general, and I do have a pair of Roma's that I got for $13 on a clearance table (it was seriously meant to be: one pair left, white with pink stripe-thingy, exactly my size). But I seriously drooled over these ones for years (and still do, actually). Any shoes store, any outlet, any sports store, I visited them. And always compared prices. They never got excessively expensive, but they were still expensive, and as this was my going to college, early college, early marriage phase, I knew they were one luxury I really couldn't have.
That brings me to today's current materialistic obsession. But really its not about me; its about the baby (Right).
As embarrassing as it is to admit, my heart literally leaps a little when I daydream about pushing my baby girl around in this beauty. Granted, its because of the baby girl, but the stroller definitely aids in the perfection of the daydream: warm sunny day in October (we live in the South~I won't be leaving the house in August!), my Penguins Nike jogging shoes; red-headed baby girl; and light-weight, smooth-riding, gorgeous Indie. I regularly look at it online, and every time I decide I can live without it, I look again and immediately return to my conclusion that no other stroller will do. Its becoming a problem because as my husband stresses over which names he likes, I stress if I dare register for a stroller that costs this much more than your average stroller. But honestly it would last forever and I'd only need one because its a jogging and city stroller and it folds up so compactly and it only weighs twenty pounds and its made of such high quality materials and it fits kids from birth until age 4 and its so cute. Are those reasons enough? I can't decide. But I know I'll continue to drool over the Bumbleride Indie, whether it shows up on my doorstep or not (because the only way I'll get it is if I'm gutsy enough to put it on my registry and someone~or a group of people, as it may require~are generous enough to actually buy it off the registry).
So there, there's all my materialism played out for you. What do you drool over?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Obama filmed a segment with ESPN showing how he filled out his bracket and talking basketball.
(Obama enjoying his fans at a Wizards game.)
Anyway, I just want March Madness sans Barack-etology. Thats all.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
One thing I totally know I want is this Ikea crib. $99 and totally simple and adorable. There are so many huge and beautiful cribs, but our baby room probably wouldn't even fit one! And what would I do with a $500 crib? I'd rather have a $500 jogging stoller (though, I won't be getting one of those either). Anyway, I heart this crib. And this summer we'll be journeying to Cincinnati to get one. Yay!