a little faith.

I have to tell you, I read an article earlier this week. It is called "Why I Raise My Children Without God." I saw it in a news story, and they were just going on about how objective and fair the woman who wrote it was. How she had so many perfect points. Well, I was excited. I am always interested in others' beliefs, and if they are making objective and meaningful arguments, count me in. Then I read the article, and I did not find it nearly as wonderful as I was led to believe. That being said, my head hasn't let go of the issue.

I thought I'd share a few thoughts, just me and my simple perspective as a mother and as a member of the Church of Jesus-Christ off Latter-Day Saints.

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She said bad things happen, so there can't be a God. She said God is a bad parent, because He allows bad things to happen. We believe in "free agency", meaning God gave us the right to make choices, good and bad.

“He has given us free will,” you say? Our children have free will, but we still step in and guide them.

 One time, Carly was jumping on the couch. Chris told her over and over to get down. He told her she would fall and get hurt. He physically removed her from the couch; she climbed back up and kept jumping. And, wouldn't you know it, she went flipping off the couch, and cried and cried because it hurt and scared her. You can guide kids as much as you want. You can grab them with your arms and you can look them in the eye and tell them EXACTLY what is going to happen. But the thing is, kids don't always listen. God guides us. He gave us scripture, commandments, and now He speaks to us through a modern prophet, but the thing is, kids don't always listen.

We also believe there is supposed to be "an opposition in all things" because that helps us enjoy and appreciate the good more. If I never got 45 mintues of sleep at a time (when the twins were born), I would never know just how blissful 4 straight hours could be. If people were never sick, they wouldn't fully understand what it meant to be healthy. If no one ever hurt, it would be harder to appreciate love.

It is almost as if the author expects no pain, hurt, sickness, or bad things of any kind. Wouldn't that make this life . . . . heaven? Is her plan to follow her kids around and never let them fail a test, get a broken heart, lose a job, or make a mistake? How would they learn anything? How would they grow?

I'm not going to sit here and say that makes pain easier. The author talks about Newtown. I will never say I understand God's purpose in events like that. Yes, he won't take away agency, and yes, we have to face pain, but on that day, I was asking why would God let something like that happen. But sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes faith just requires . . . faith.

God is not fair.

 Wrong. Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people and sometimes everything just sucks. But that is why this life is not the end. I was reading through the comments (if you read this article, do not read through the comments) and one person said "I believe in God because things aren't fair. Things have to be made fair in some way, so it must happen after this life." Where would justice be if this life were the end? If so many people didn't get "what they deserved". But in the same breath, where would mercy be if this life were the end? I am far from perfect, so, to tell you the truth, I don't want "what I deserve". I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who won't give me what is "fair", but will forgive me and grant me mercy. And as for those who commit unspeakable crimes? They go to jail and die, or get the death penalty, or get away with it, and that's it? This life isn't fair, but in the next one, through the power of the Savior's atonement, God is fair and merciful.

He is not here. Telling our children to love a person they cannot see, smell, touch or hear does not make sense.

Wrong again. He is here. I see Him in snowflakes and sunshine and my childrens' shining perfect innocent eyes. And as a mother, I have never felt closer to God then when I welcomed three of His little spirits to this Earth, knowing He trusted me with them, knowing they had been with Him moments before they were with me. But this doesn't mean anything to someone who doesn't believe, I understand that. So we'll call that a draw. 

God Does Not Teach Children to Be Good

     A child should make moral choices for the right reasons. Telling him that he must behave because God is watching means that his morality will be externally focused rather than internally structured. It’s like telling a child to behave or Santa won’t bring presents. When we take God out of the picture, we place responsibility of doing the right thing onto the shoulders of our children. No, they won’t go to heaven or rule their own planets when they die, but they can sleep better at night. They will make their family proud. They will feel better about who they are. They will be decent people.

I agree with her, 80%. I don't want to teach my children to do the right thing because God is watching. But what I will teach my children, is why do you feel better about who you are when you do good? What is making you feel good? I will teach them that we feel better when we do good because the spirit of God (the "Holy Ghost" as we call it), testifies to our hearts that we did good. I don't say to Carly "be nice because Jesus wants us to" (ok, maybe on occassion I turn to that one :) but I try to teach her to be nice because it makes others feel good when we are nice. And when someone is mean to her, I take the opportunity to teach her, "See, it hurts our hearts when people are mean. That is why you need to always be nice." And when she feels good about doing good, I can then show her it is because Heavenly Father is happy when we are good, and His Spirit makes us feel good inside. 

God Teaches Narcissism

I have to say, this one caught be totally off-guard. Teaching a child of God's love, telling them how special they are to their Heavenly Father will make them self centered? Does she not tell her children how much she loves them? Does she not tell them they are smart and talented and wonderful and perfect? Maybe she doesn't; maybe that will make them narcissistic. I do not, for one second, believe making a child feel loved and special will ever make them a selfish person. Giving them every single thing they want, catering to their every whim, not disciplining or setting boundaries, not teaching the value of work, not teaching the importance of serving others . . . those will make for a selfish person. But how is a child to know how much God loves her friend, her neighbor, if she doesn't realize how much God loves her? And why is it so wrong that a child feel love, from her not just her family, but from a source that can be with her at her darkest, loneliest times. There have been times in my life where I felt like I had literally no one but God. What if I thought I was all alone? I want my kids to know they are cherished. I want them to know they are the most important precious things to me and Chris. I want them to be so loved, they are embarrassed by it. And I want them to know Heavenly Father loves them too. I don't think I understood God's love for me until I became a parent. Now I am in awe of it.

Then there is one of the central themes of not just Christianity, but all different faiths, which is service. Loving and helping your fellow man. Religion teaches us to look outside ourselves and love and help everyone, because we are all children of God and we are all in need. Service-oriented faith is far from narcissism. 

When we raise kids without God, we tell them the truth—we are no more special than the next creature. We are just a very, very small part of a big, big machine–whether that machine is nature or society–the influence we have is minuscule.

I don't want my children thinking they are insignificant. I want them to know their goodness can change people's lives. Even if it is helping one person one time on one day, they can make a difference. Their lives have meaning, which is why it is important to learn and improve and become a good productive educated person. You are a piece to a puzzle, yes, but no puzzle can be complete without every piece.  

I am very grateful for the knowledge I have, and for the opportunity I have to teach my children the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for them to know why they are here and where they are going and just how loved they are.

Tonight in the hustle and bustle of dinner time, Carly called out, "Mom! Dad! Wait! We forgot to say a prayer!" And so she prayed, thanking her Heavenly Father for her dinner, for her family, and praying for people who are hurting. And then she had a big smile on her face as she said "Amen" and started eating. And we all felt good. No "logic", no "reason", no "sense" can replace that.