I’m going to be
perfectly honest: 2019 wasn’t a great year for me. To sum it up quickly, while I have a
particularly wonderful family and life, in 2019 I struggled to take care of my
mental, spiritual, and physical health as one ought to. Little exercise, poor
sleeping habits, and . . . all too often, too much time on my phone.
The
phone thing is interesting because I’m somewhat anti-technology as a mom. My
kids don’t have their own devices and are rarely allowed access to mine. John
plays Minecraft like once every 3 weeks. But there’s mom, checking Instagram yet
again. One day John asked if he could play Minecraft. He had played a few days
before and hadn’t read much or done anything else that day, so I responded,
“Not today, there are better things you can do with your brain.” There are better things you can do with your
brain. ZING. I don’t know where I came up with that one, but it struck me
to the core.
As
2020 approached I began wondering how I could make the next year much better
than the last. Take better care of my body, go to bed earlier, yes . . . but as
I prayed I got a resounding answer: step away from social media. In the
interest of full disclosure, this isn’t the first time I’ve prayed that prayer,
and this isn’t the first time I’ve received that answer. And each time I’d make
a little effort to spend less time on my phone. But it didn’t last long. So I
told Chris I was going to spend the entire month of January off social media.
But
why? I mean, I’m an adult (so I hear) and I should be able to use my phone
responsibly. Right? I’m not saying I was on my phone every second all day,
completely ignoring my kids. No, it wasn't extreme. But I
knew I was on it too much. I could feel it. I could see it in how many times my
kids had to call for me, how many times I said, “I’m sorry, could you tell me
that again?” In general, there are so many things I love about it, particularly
Instagram. I print Chatbooks that have become our family photo albums and
memories, especially since I’ve abandoned this blog. I like keeping up on
people I’ve known in all the places we’ve lived, seeing cute kids and cute
houses and cute pets. But my main issues were three fold: 1) I was wasting so
much time looking at everyone’s everything. 2) It would drag me down. Yes, I’m
an adult, but I’m human, and between negative and mean comments and cynical
posts and everyone having and being more and better than me (or so it
unreasonably felt), it would just put me in a gray place. And 3) I was
distracted. That dang phone was in my hand all the time and while I played
Legos or sat at lunch or tried to read my scriptures or a book . . . it was
sucking my eyes in.
So
January 2nd I deleted both Facebook and Instagram off my phone and
away we went. Was I perfect for a month? Not even close. I checked a number of
times, first because the Royal family was experiencing some drama (I’ve been
following them for 20 years, couldn’t stay away), then to access a few specific
things, then to sell some things on Facebook, then because Kobe Bryant died and
I JUST CAN’T. My heart has absolutely ached over that one. But I found social
media made it worse, so I jumped back off.
So,
after that long back story, here’s what did happen:
First, the screen time on my phone when
down by over FIFTY PERCENT that first week. I get a screen time report every
Sunday morning and it was all “Your screen time went down by 56% this week.” That
is a lot of time.
Next,
I read TEN books. I love reading. There is nothing like a good story that makes
you think and feel or fascinating non-fiction that tells you something you didn’t
know before. It makes your brain feel awake and alive instead of dull like the
phone does. I typically consume (through both reading and audiobooks) about 2
books per month. I read 5 times as many books! It was so much fun.
I’ve
created a habit of reading my scriptures. Did I read them every day? No. But I
read and studied them most days, when before I was “running out of time” more
days than not. This is a priority in my life and I know that if I keep working
on that, it will only increase the peace I feel day to day.
I
finished Owen’s baby book. Ha! Four years in the making, that thing. I mean, I
have yet to do the three older kids’ books, but decided to tackle Owen’s first
since it would be easiest to find the pictures. But it was so fun and led to me
telling him lots of stories and all about when he was a baby. He loves it and
calls it “my baby diary.”
We
introduced “country nights”. This was completely random and unplanned. One
night we decided to watch Finding Nemo and then I decided to grab some Tim Tam
cookies to go with it (it was during the biggest news coverage of the
Australian fires) and we ended up coloring Australian flags and learning facts
about Australia and it became “Australia night”. The following week we did
Italy night, and then China night. The kids love them and we have a list of
countries we want to do. They’re easy because, hey, we are eating anyway. Maybe
this wasn’t a direct result of no social media, but it was a result of me being
less distracted and using my time better.
I
read aloud to my kids. I read aloud to my kids when they are little a whole
lot. Owen and I love to read stories together. But as the big three have become
independent chapter book readers, I stopped reading to them. I have heard good
things about reading to older kids, and one of the books I read this month was
called The Enchanted Hour, all about the benefits of reading aloud as a family.
So I finally made it a priority, using the evening down time when the kids were
reading to themselves and I was sitting in the living room with them checking
my phone. We read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and it was such a fun
and special experience. Right after we finished, Carly (my super strong
independent reader) said, “What book are you going to read to us next?!”
I
spent less money. And I never felt bad about something that didn’t fit into the
budget. For better or worse, Instagram is a buyer’s heaven, with companies left
and right advertising adorable things and making you feel like you need it.
Reducing that was one of the biggest side benefits that I didn’t see coming.
None
of these things are necessarily groundbreaking. I have no doubt all of these
things could still happen even without removing social media from my life. Lots
of people have the appropriate balance, and moving forward I hope/plan on
continuing these things while striking that balance. But they WEREN’T
happening. I needed that step back. I needed the clarity of mind. I needed to
be reminded of what was most important. I just needed a healthier relationship
with technology. I feel a little silly saying that, but I think it’s a bigger
issue in our society than most people let on. And I don’t want it to be one in
my life anymore. I’m definitely not hating on social media or people who use
it. Of course not! I love it; I love the good parts. I’m actually grateful for
so many things about social media, the things I missed. I get regular uplifting
spiritual messages from several accounts I follow. Book recommendations and
discussions, creative mom tips, a good laugh from funny memes, tasty recipes, a
small connection to people who are now far away. That’s why I did this. To highlight the good
parts, and to pinpoint and hopefully eliminate the bad.
In
the end, the biggest things that happened were the small things. Going to bed
and realizing I didn’t have my phone and then not worrying about it, I’d find
it tomorrow. Leaving it behind when we played in the snow or ran errands or
went to the library. Not thinking about this post or that comment or this meme
(don’t get me wrong, I love a good meme). It was surprising how many of my
thoughts went to things I’d seen on my phone that day. Not that that is always
bad, but without it, I found my brain thinking about all sorts of other things.
And that brought me full circle, back around to what I told John that day:
there are better things you can do with your brain. I can only hope and pray
that the efforts and habits I’ve made will stick. That I’ll continue with the better
balance, I’ll fill my life and brain with all the goodness the world has to
offer, some of which is on a screen, but a majority of which is off. It was a
lovely January, perhaps one of the best I’ve experienced —a good start to 2020.
