A January Experiment

I’m going to be perfectly honest: 2019 wasn’t a great year for me.  To sum it up quickly, while I have a particularly wonderful family and life, in 2019 I struggled to take care of my mental, spiritual, and physical health as one ought to. Little exercise, poor sleeping habits, and . . . all too often, too much time on my phone.

              The phone thing is interesting because I’m somewhat anti-technology as a mom. My kids don’t have their own devices and are rarely allowed access to mine. John plays Minecraft like once every 3 weeks. But there’s mom, checking Instagram yet again. One day John asked if he could play Minecraft. He had played a few days before and hadn’t read much or done anything else that day, so I responded, “Not today, there are better things you can do with your brain.” There are better things you can do with your brain. ZING. I don’t know where I came up with that one, but it struck me to the core.

              As 2020 approached I began wondering how I could make the next year much better than the last. Take better care of my body, go to bed earlier, yes . . . but as I prayed I got a resounding answer: step away from social media. In the interest of full disclosure, this isn’t the first time I’ve prayed that prayer, and this isn’t the first time I’ve received that answer. And each time I’d make a little effort to spend less time on my phone. But it didn’t last long. So I told Chris I was going to spend the entire month of January off social media.

              But why? I mean, I’m an adult (so I hear) and I should be able to use my phone responsibly. Right? I’m not saying I was on my phone every second all day, completely ignoring my kids. No, it wasn't extreme. But I knew I was on it too much. I could feel it. I could see it in how many times my kids had to call for me, how many times I said, “I’m sorry, could you tell me that again?” In general, there are so many things I love about it, particularly Instagram. I print Chatbooks that have become our family photo albums and memories, especially since I’ve abandoned this blog. I like keeping up on people I’ve known in all the places we’ve lived, seeing cute kids and cute houses and cute pets. But my main issues were three fold: 1) I was wasting so much time looking at everyone’s everything. 2) It would drag me down. Yes, I’m an adult, but I’m human, and between negative and mean comments and cynical posts and everyone having and being more and better than me (or so it unreasonably felt), it would just put me in a gray place. And 3) I was distracted. That dang phone was in my hand all the time and while I played Legos or sat at lunch or tried to read my scriptures or a book . . . it was sucking my eyes in.

              So January 2^nd I deleted both Facebook and Instagram off my phone and away we went. Was I perfect for a month? Not even close. I checked a number of times, first because the Royal family was experiencing some drama (I’ve been following them for 20 years, couldn’t stay away), then to access a few specific things, then to sell some things on Facebook, then because Kobe Bryant died and I JUST CAN’T. My heart has absolutely ached over that one. But I found social media made it worse, so I jumped back off.

              So, after that long back story, here’s what did happen:

First, the screen time on my phone when down by over FIFTY PERCENT that first week. I get a screen time report every Sunday morning and it was all “Your screen time went down by 56% this week.” That is a lot of time.

              Next, I read TEN books. I love reading. There is nothing like a good story that makes you think and feel or fascinating non-fiction that tells you something you didn’t know before. It makes your brain feel awake and alive instead of dull like the phone does. I typically consume (through both reading and audiobooks) about 2 books per month. I read 5 times as many books! It was so much fun.

              I’ve created a habit of reading my scriptures. Did I read them every day? No. But I read and studied them most days, when before I was “running out of time” more days than not. This is a priority in my life and I know that if I keep working on that, it will only increase the peace I feel day to day.

              I finished Owen’s baby book. Ha! Four years in the making, that thing. I mean, I have yet to do the three older kids’ books, but decided to tackle Owen’s first since it would be easiest to find the pictures. But it was so fun and led to me telling him lots of stories and all about when he was a baby. He loves it and calls it “my baby diary.”

              We introduced “country nights”. This was completely random and unplanned. One night we decided to watch Finding Nemo and then I decided to grab some Tim Tam cookies to go with it (it was during the biggest news coverage of the Australian fires) and we ended up coloring Australian flags and learning facts about Australia and it became “Australia night”. The following week we did Italy night, and then China night. The kids love them and we have a list of countries we want to do. They’re easy because, hey, we are eating anyway. Maybe this wasn’t a direct result of no social media, but it was a result of me being less distracted and using my time better.

              I read aloud to my kids. I read aloud to my kids when they are little a whole lot. Owen and I love to read stories together. But as the big three have become independent chapter book readers, I stopped reading to them. I have heard good things about reading to older kids, and one of the books I read this month was called The Enchanted Hour, all about the benefits of reading aloud as a family. So I finally made it a priority, using the evening down time when the kids were reading to themselves and I was sitting in the living room with them checking my phone. We read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and it was such a fun and special experience. Right after we finished, Carly (my super strong independent reader) said, “What book are you going to read to us next?!”

              I spent less money. And I never felt bad about something that didn’t fit into the budget. For better or worse, Instagram is a buyer’s heaven, with companies left and right advertising adorable things and making you feel like you need it. Reducing that was one of the biggest side benefits that I didn’t see coming.

              None of these things are necessarily groundbreaking. I have no doubt all of these things could still happen even without removing social media from my life. Lots of people have the appropriate balance, and moving forward I hope/plan on continuing these things while striking that balance. But they WEREN’T happening. I needed that step back. I needed the clarity of mind. I needed to be reminded of what was most important. I just needed a healthier relationship with technology. I feel a little silly saying that, but I think it’s a bigger issue in our society than most people let on. And I don’t want it to be one in my life anymore. I’m definitely not hating on social media or people who use it. Of course not! I love it; I love the good parts. I’m actually grateful for so many things about social media, the things I missed. I get regular uplifting spiritual messages from several accounts I follow. Book recommendations and discussions, creative mom tips, a good laugh from funny memes, tasty recipes, a small connection to people who are now far away.  That’s why I did this. To highlight the good parts, and to pinpoint and hopefully eliminate the bad.

              In the end, the biggest things that happened were the small things. Going to bed and realizing I didn’t have my phone and then not worrying about it, I’d find it tomorrow. Leaving it behind when we played in the snow or ran errands or went to the library. Not thinking about this post or that comment or this meme (don’t get me wrong, I love a good meme). It was surprising how many of my thoughts went to things I’d seen on my phone that day. Not that that is always bad, but without it, I found my brain thinking about all sorts of other things. And that brought me full circle, back around to what I told John that day: there are better things you can do with your brain. I can only hope and pray that the efforts and habits I’ve made will stick. That I’ll continue with the better balance, I’ll fill my life and brain with all the goodness the world has to offer, some of which is on a screen, but a majority of which is off. It was a lovely January, perhaps one of the best I’ve experienced —a good start to 2020.