Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I fit into my fat jeans.

Let's play a game.

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Take a guess.
Which picture is me at 18 weeks pregnant, and which is 5 weeks post-partum?


Kinda sick how they look about the same. Ok, not sick. Its only been 5 weeks since I had a human inside me, so I should give myself a break. I should feel good. One week after having Carly, my mom and I went to this baby boutique and left Carly at home with Chris and my dad and brother. The lady at the boutique asked me what I was having, a boy or girl. "I had a girl a week ago" I responded. The lady recovered rather well, saying it was great that I was out and about already. The thing is, Heidi Klum returned to the Victoria's Secret runway 8 weeks after giving birth. That means I only have 3 weeks until should be in Victoria's Secret runway shape, right?


[This picture has been edited for inappropriate content.]



I've never had real body image issues. In junior high I was a bit chunky, but I had all sorts of other hair, skin, style issues it didn't make a difference. But in high school by the time I started caring more I was active in all sorts of sports and was actually really skinny. Sometimes I look at pictures of myself from high school and think I should have eaten a little more or something. Then I turned around and got married at 19 and continued the whole workout thing. I never got further than 5 ish (ok, maybe 7) lbs away from my "ideal weight" whatever that means. Then came December 2008. I peed on a stick and my life changed in more ways then I would ever imagine. One of the craziest of these changes would be the trauma my body was about to be put through. My 9 months of nausea coupled with full-time work made it nearly impossible to keep up a work-out routine. Four days before I had Carly I had gained {drum roll please . . . . } 30 ish lbs give or take a few (since I lost some during my first 11 weeks). At three weeks post-partum I made a trip to Chris's lab to weigh myself and found I was 10 lbs off my lifetime "goal weight". Those 10 lbs don't seem to be going anywhere.

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Please tell me I'm not the only one with "fat jeans". You know, the pair that is a little looser that you wear when trying to be extra comfortable or when you're on your period and feeling a little bloated and miserable or when you just got back from vacation where you ate out WAY too much? Those are my fat jeans. And I actually fit in them now. And I don't mean with the help of the Bella Band. I mean they are completely zipped and buttoned. And maybe even a little loose. It had been quite a while since I had worn jeans. So that was a nice step for my mental health.

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Ok, I'm just blathering. Here's the point. I thought I never felt worse than I did pregnant. If you felt beautiful pregnant, please leave a comment, because kudos to you. But I felt huge and really really tired all the time. But at least I had a baby inside of me. Now all chub that was once stretched around her is now cushioning me. And here's something that freaks me out: under the chub is soft too. I used to be able to feel ab muscles under any extra chub. But my ab muscles are all stretched out or something, because my tummy is soft all the way through. Its creepy. I can't even touch my own stomach.

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Ok, still blathering. When, if ever, did you feel like your body was the same as before as giving birth? And of course you may not look exactly the same because that part is extra hard, but when did you feel good and normal again? Especially those of you who breastfeed. I just feel all out-of-whack from this whole ordeal. I don't expect myself to be runway ready at 8 weeks (I'll need at least 12, to be honest) but I think I'll make little goals. Mostly I just want to feel normal again physically (I'm doing rather well emotionally these days) and I don't think I can go by numbers on the scale, because I'm sure breastfeeding puts that all out of whack (Thats the second time I've used that expression in one paragraph. wow). There is all sorts of volume there that didn't exist before. But little goals. Like fitting into my fat jeans! Maybe I'll fit into my regular jeans by the time fall weather hits in mid-October. And my skinny jeans by Christmas. I'm not about being all super skinny, but healthy and feeling well would be nice. And did you see the Biggest Loser last night. Chris and I talked about how its obvious that body image impacts your emotional well-being. I just taught a Young Women's lesson about taking care of your physical body. It talked about the importance of eating healthy and getting rest and exercise. Not about being skinny, but about taking care of yourself. Its obvious the Lord cares about how you take care of yourself, because He wants us to be happy. Like, all the way happy. Even happy with ourselves how we feel about ourselves.

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So really what I'm saying is I'm excited for my 6 week post-partum check-up on Friday so I can start working out again. I miss it. I did go on my first official "I'm going to work out on purpose and therefore going to wear a sports bra" work out on Monday. It was nice but I got a side ache embarrassingly quickly.

And Carly wasn't much help.


The end. I'll spare you from any more.

I shouldn't be blogging under the influence of newborn.

10 comments:

Kristin Hanson said...

Did you know that all your organs move to the sides while you are pregnant and then it takes up to two years for them to go back after having had the baby? That part freaks me out. And helped me with the whole flabby where I didn't know flab could be issues because things just weren't in their place.

The best thing I did was take a pilates class with Natasha 5 months after Bean was born. You feel so strong and those tummy muscles harden up again. If only I had kept up with it...

Alixa said...

I'll make you feel good about your self. I gained 65 lbs and I had to go and buy super fat jeans because I couldnt even get into my fat jeans. I am working super hard and am still a size bigger than I have ever been. I have 35 more pounds to go before I hit pre pregnancy weight and I am 10 weeks post partum. Feel better yet? If you ever wanna run together, I am game. You just have to remember, your husband still loves you and your baby couldn't care less what you look like. I know its not about them, its about you but it makes me feel at least a little better.

Lauren Davison said...

All the post-pregnancy weight loss stuff is something I try not to think about because it just makes me nervous. Like you, I've never really had body image issues because I was always active and realized that I'm built the way I am and would look really strange if I was much skinnier. But I'm super nervous for after this little girl shoves her way out of my body! Maybe we can keep tabs and make sure we keep working out, even if it is under the influence of newborn. ;) Pilates is definitely in my plans, and thanks to Kristin I now feel comforted knowing that it should help quite a bit. Phew! Had to just let that out. Personally, I think that you're doing pretty good fitting into old jeans period, be they the fat ones, normal ones, or skinny ones. :)

Lindsey Rasmussen said...

I don't think you should be worried at all!! Since you are conscious about it, you will get down to your pre-baby weight soon and maybe even then some. I've heard breastfeeding helps you lose the baby weight faster. I think it helped me.. alot! But, I also went on long walks almost everyday. As for your stomach getting back to normal.. that is weird! But somehow it just gets harder and is back to normal. I never thought it would be either! But, honestly I wore sweats or basketball shorts for a while after Kaden was born. So way to go on the jeans!! You will be fine, just dont worry too much about it!

Ashley said...

Sounds like you are doing pretty normal body-wise post baby. Don't ever compare yourself to models who have millions of dollars for expert trainers, plastic surgery and more. (Though they make me mad too, giving us unreal things for others and our-self to be compared too.) It took me quite a while to feel "normal" again and even then I never will be, because of how far my kids stretched and tore my stomach. So consider yourself blessed.

I have always heard that since it takes 9 months for your body to go through pregnancy you should give it at least 9 months to go back. Stomach muscles separate, hips get wider and organs move around so it will take a while, but it should all go back. :)

Tina Crowther said...

Awesome for you! I was about the same after my first... but I hate to tell ya. After baby number two- I will NEVER fit into my skinny jeans again. (and I'm serious, I got rid of them.) I also am barely fitting into my fat pants- (4 months...) I gained 40 pounds with each... and still want to lose another 10, but I'm happy I guess.
As for breastfeeding- soon it should level out and you'll feel much more normal as far as that goes. don't exercise too much though when breastfeeding, or your milk supply will go down. (but it's alright, it helps you lose the weight too...) Now I'm blabbering. Good luck! You look great!

beckster said...

I just have to comment on Carly's pic, as I have obviously never been pregnant. She looks so big!!! Are those rolls on her legs? When did my baby girl get ROLLS? Ugh, I need to visit.

sam and kyrsten said...

oh im sure you look great! good for you for worrying about it though and wanting to change/get back in shape so quickly! thanks for your comment about my family! i really appreciated it! ps carly is so cute!

Tedi said...

I can totally sympathize with wanting you pre-pregnancy body back. I was kind of depressed every time I got on the scale and I still wasn't there. However I am happy to say that at 3 1/2 months after giving birth the blessed day came! I still have more loose skin around my belly which I am working on tightening up, but the weight will come off, especially if you are breastfeeding. Don't be too hard on yourself!

Jason Thomas said...

That was very informative. Ya'll need to move back so I can witness some of this first hand! Miss you!!