called.

[Q-Money all ready for church.]

Remember almost a year ago when I got called to be a seminary teacher?

Well, I got released two weeks ago.

Number of lessons taught: 0.

Number of classes attended: 0.

I was one stellar seminary teacher.

You see, I was called June 19th, and exactly one month later got a positive pregnancy test. I was optimistic. I could still teach even though I was pregnant. I met with my team teacher a few times, and went to training. Then, the sickness hit. I couldn't get out of bed at all to take care of my daughter, forget about 5 am seminary every day. I went to the bishop and told him my problem. He called a "temporary replacement". My sickness went on and on. And by the time it eased up a bit, we found out about the twins and exhaustion and physical pain set in. Then the twins came a month early. Long story short: my temporary replacement taught all year, and our new bishop decided it would be a good idea to release me now that I have new twins.

It sounds like a simple enough story, but it wasn't. 

During the the month between getting called and getting sick, I went from dreading the idea and feeling very negative about it, to getting excited. It would be a whole new challenge. I looked forward to working with the youth from our ward, and to learning about the Old Testament at a deeper level. It was going to be good, and the Lord had called me for a reason. So when I was incapable of teaching - and I truly felt incapable; it wasn't a scapegoat, I knew that - I was overcome with confusion, frustration, guilt, and sadness. I didn't understand why the Lord called me when I was going to get so sick. I was frustrated that I couldn't fulfill the calling to which I had been called. I felt guilty for letting so many people down (so I felt). And I was actually sad that I wasn't getting to teach.

It was something I worried about daily, and just about drove Chris nuts as I went from hanging my head over a toilet to crying over the fact that I wasn't doing what I was asked to do. Both he and our Bishop told me over and over again to not worry about it, to just take care of myself.

On October 27th, I saw two babies on an ultrasound, and something inside me clicked: I knew I would not be teaching seminary this school year. And when I was told I was being released a few weeks ago, I knew it was right. So why on Earth was I called in the first place? I know there is a purpose to everything that happens, and I don't think it was a fluke. Chris thinks maybe it was just to try my patience. I think maybe it was to see if I would accept a calling I feared so deeply. I feel like I learned something from the whole experience, but I don't know what it is yet.

But I will say, now that it is over . . . 

I'm really glad I'm not a seminary teacher anymore.

Ha!

So where am I now?

The secretary in the Primary Presidency.

Have I mentioned I don't really like kids older than 5?

And the secretary before me is one of those superwoman perfect people?

We'll see how it goes.

But I'm feeling excited about it, though very intimidated.

Kids scare me.

One of these days I'll get my dream calling.

What's that, you ask?

Program maker.

I would make some dang cute programs.

xoxo.