happy to be a mother.

At my postpartum appointment, the nurse practitioner found a lump in my breast.

It was most likely related to the recent breastfeeding that had occurred.

I was asked to massage it in the shower and try to get it to go down.

A few weeks later I went in again.

It was still there, so they ordered an ultrasound.

The results came back inconclusive.

They referred me to a breast specialist for another ultrasound.

I had not worried about what was going on.

I'm 25 with no "significant history" of breast cancer, so what was there to worry about?

But a breast specialist?

Should I be scared?

I went to the specialist, and he did an ultrasound.

He had me watch, and showed me what he was looking at.

It was a dark mass with irregular boarders.

Those are things you don't want.

He recommended I biopsy.

Biopsies aren't that much fun, in case you were wondering.

He took 4 samples, inserting the needle and then saying, 

"There is going to be a cracking sound."

Umm, it is a really loud cracking sound, and it happens twice with every sampling.

My nerves were shot after 3.

"Can we do one more?" he asked, reading my face like an open book.

"Go for it," I replied.

I headed home.

I was told to call back in two days for the results.

I was officially scared.

The next day I did everything I could not to freak out.

That afternoon, the house was still, and I sat breathing in my sweet Quinn.

I prayed for health.

I prayed to watch my babies grow up.

The next morning I called, and was told the doctor would call me back.

The minutes felt like hours. 

My heart was pounding in my ears.

I watched my phone like it was about to explode.

It rang.

"I have some good news for you," the doctor said.

"That is exactly what I was hoping to hear," I replied.

I'm not going to pretend I know what cancer feels like.

I don't.

And I pray I never do.

The people who have fought and continue to fight are warriors.

I walked away with a sore breast.

But for 48 hours, I waited and wondered and worried.

I had a tiny taste of just how mortal we are.

I decided to hug my babies a little tighter.

Play with my girl a little longer.

Love my husband a little stronger.

I realized that life can be spent in many ways.

I could be lots of different places.

But I'm so very grateful I'm here.

I'm happy I spend my days changing diapers, coaxing smiles, coloring pictures, and reading stories.

I love that I'm Carly's mom.

I love that I'm Quinn's mom.

I love that I'm John's mom.

I am so very happy to be a mother.