a new normal.

I remember when Carly hit 2 months, I started to feel a little bit more . . . in control. Things weren't 100% "normal" yet, but it was noticeably better. The same thing is happening now. It is not as bad as it once was. Our feet are back under us, and we're learning how to walk again.

[babies love the swing.]

Chris's lighter schedule means he goes in later. What a huge difference it makes to have him around in the morning. Eventually I'll use these extra hours to get to the gym, as soon as we get John to go to bed before 1 am more consistently. For now, I use that time to catch a few extra winks, if necessary.

[Carly excels at tummy time.]

I've become a queen of multitasking. It is just not possible to do just one thing at a time very often. I color with Carly while feeding a baby. I rock one baby to sleep on my legs while feeding the other in my arms. The other day at the babies' two month appointment, I was getting John dressed, rocking a fussy Quinn in her car seat with my foot, and looking at the doctor while we carried on a conversation. He stopped in the middle of talking and laughed and said, "Now, this is something only the mother of twins can do." Any time I do get time to do just one thing, and Carly is awake, that time goes to her. Because she needs it, and she deserves it, and she is just too much fun to not hang out with.

["poor man's water table" aka "my pond!" thanks, Pinterest. it was a hit.]

Almost without fail, John is the last one to sleep and the first one awake. This week I've been spending early morning feedings reading the scriptures, a habit that fell apart during a difficult pregnancy and crazy post-birth months. I've always been a night scripture reader, but I am loving starting my day off with a dose of the Spirit.

[my two favorite boys.]

On Tuesday I went to lunch with friends. When we first came to Michigan, I made friends pretty quickly and spent a year having a pretty active social life. Playdates and Girls Nights Out were frequent. During my pregnancy and after the babies, I have pretty much dropped off the face of the earth, and I was beginning to feel very alone, very cut off. And more than that, I felt like with three kids, social outings would be all but impossible forever. But that will gradually get better. The duo will become more interactive and less unpredictable, making it easier to get to playdates or leave them with Chris for Girls' Night. A lunch with friends is just one step. 

[tummy time fail.]

Normal activities that once seemed impossible are getting done. The dishes get done often (with the help of the use of paper plates), and we occasionally go grocery shopping. Yesterday, I got all three kids to sleep and I folded laundry for two hours while watching Downton Abbey. Yes, I had two hours of laundry to fold. One of my greatest frustrations has been that I wash clothes but never get them put away, so I am running up and down two sets of stairs and digging through huge piles to find what I need. We currently have drawers and closets full of clean clothes, and NO pile in the basement. That feels good.

[babies enjoying the park.]

Did you read that? I got all three kids down to sleep. And not just to sleep, but it was like actual naps. Carly was in her bed, and Quinn was in her crib. John was in the swing, but the kid is a prince and I'll take what I can get. But it was very orderly, almost like the seed of a routine is being planted.

[J's Heisman pose.]

One more milestone? I took the kids to the park, all by myself. I'm feeling braver, though I still limit my outings. I know I will never take all three grocery shopping, but maybe one day we'll make it to Target for a quick outing. For now, I try to go only places where I can make a very quick exit, or where if something errupts, to won't bother too many people or send my nerves over the edge. The park happens to fit both of those specifications, but getting there is hard. I endured 10 minutes of screaming by Carly and John (Q sat patiently; love her to death) while I packed bottles and tied shoelaces and threw together sandwiches. But it was worth it, because we had a nice picnic and spent two hours at the park. Carly may or may not have messed her pants, causing me to have to clean her off with baby wipes behind a tree. But that is neither here nor there. It was a fabulous time.

[Things I love about the below picture:

1) Carly taking sudden interest in caring for the babies and wanting to feed Q.

2) Quinn's concerned look over the fact the Carly is manning her bottle.

3) John doing the Heisman in the background.]

It's been a difficult few months.

There were days where I felt alone.

There were days where I felt like I could not stand one more minute.

There were tears while sitting helpless on the bathroom floor.

But things are getting better, just like everyone told me they would.

It will never be easy.

I remember reading the blog of a mother who had 3-year-old triplets.

She said people ask her if it is easier now that the kids were older.

Her answer: "No, its not easier. I have three 3-year-olds! It is just as hard, just in a different way." 

I often get the comment "I don't know how you do it." 

What is the alternative?

Not doing it?

I do it because this is my life.

And I love these kids more than words.

And I'm getting used to it.

I can't even imagine what just one baby would be like.

I often think if I just had had Quinn, man, life would be a vacation!

I know that is not true, and adding one baby is a hard adjustment too.

But everyone does it.

Just like we're doing this.

I also get "You make having twins look so easy!"

It's not easy.

The dark circles under my eyes, lack of make-up, no shower thing makes it look easy?

Ha!

When I first had Carly I wondered how everyone else did motherhood so stylishly and I was falling apart. If you think that while reading this blog, please know that is not the case. Please know we go outside in mismatched clothes, don't shower for days, and often forget to feed the toddler breakfast (What?! It is lunch time already?!). Motherhood is not easy, if you have 1 kid or 3 or 10.

After the duo came, I wondered if things would ever be "normal" again. I'm beginning to realize that things will be "normal" again, it is just going to take a bit longer, and I'm going to have to accept a new version of it.