on twinning.

It was one year ago today that I went in for a routine doctors appointment and walked out with an explanation for my extreme sickness and extra-large baby belly. A whole year since I laid on that chair in the ultrasound room and watched two heads pop up on the screen. Two abdomens, four legs, four arms, 20 fingers, and 20 toes.

I get asked a lot of questions about having twins. Strangers and friends alike are curious about our duo. Not John and Quinn, but about life with twins. Its my life, its my normal, so I often forget that they are a novelty. So I thought on this twinaversary, I'd share how the C Family "twins" (yes, "twin" is a verb around here).

FAQ

Do they sleep in the same crib?

Without a doubt, this is the question I get more than any other question. Not so much now that they are bigger, but when they were younger, everyone I talked to, people I know well or random strangers at the store, asked if they share a crib. I guess it is the every-day stuff people wonder about the most? For us, the answer is they once did, kind of. We only had one crib, so for the first two or three months they shared it. But John had nasal issues, and spent most of that time sleeping in a bouncer. They didn't do particularly well together. One morning I awoke to Quinn screaming and ran to find John with a fist full of her black hair (remember that hair? oh I loved it). At about 3 months we put Quinn in a pack-n-play until we managed to get and set up a second crib. They were never the kind of twins who "had to be together to sleep" like you hear stories about. We have always kept them next to each other so they stay used to each other's sounds. It will be a long time before they get separate rooms.

Do they wake each other up?

No! I mean, if one of them screams bloody murder for a long long time, yes. Or if John's piercing scream catches Quinn in a waking moment. But John will scream pretty loud and Quinn will sleep right through it. And Q will fuss and cry (she's not a screamer), and John will stay zonked out. They have slept next to each other their whole lives, so I'm assuming they are just used to it.

How far apart are they? Who is older?

I get this A LOT from strangers. In case you weren't around 8 months ago, or you don't recall, the answer is about a half an hour, and Quinn is older. The half an hour part throws people, because they are used to hearing 4 minutes. I can see their brains thinking it out, and the women are just dying to ask if I had a c section. I have only been asked by a total stranger once how I delivered. I try not to use the word "vaginally" in casual stranger conversation, so I just told her I was fortunate enough to avoid a c section.

Do they eat/sleep at the same time?

When they were newborns, no. They were all over the place, meaning I was spending most of the day feeding and putting to sleep. These days, they are on a pretty similar schedule in terms of eating solids and getting bottles. I feed them side-by-side in their highchairs, and still prop them in Boppys to simultaneously give them bottles. They are slowly getting on some sort of nap schedule. They usually fall asleep to bottles, and I take Quinn to bed first because she will just roll over and go to sleep, while John takes a little more effort sometimes. It is still a miracle when they both nap at the same time for an extended period, but we are getting better. Sometimes they end up WAY OFF from each other, if one sleeps in or wakes up early, and that results in a chaotic day of constant feedings and naps and Carly watching way too much tv.

How do you eat/shower/get ready/get out of the house?

I get asked this a lot by other moms, who undoubtedly feel overwhelmed without twins. The answer: the same way you do. I get up before them. Or I put on a show. Or I let them play (and fuss) while I do it. Or, more often than I'd like to admit, I just don't do it. Getting out of the house it a beast in and of it self, and sometimes it literally takes me two hours; that is, to have everyone fed dressed happy, bag packed, and everyone in the car. It is intense. Sunday mornings are especially crazy, and just about every Sunday Chris and I get into the car and sit for a second and think, And we haven't even gone to church yet! I think everything I do as a mother of twins is the same a mother of singletons . . . just a little bit more of whatever it is.

FSC (Frequently Stated Comments)

One of the craziest things for me is how having two babies apparently makes ok for a stranger to say anything they darn well please to you. It is really strange how people react sometimes. Here is what I get most often.

"My sister's boss's cousin has twins."

When someone tells me they have twins, I am happy to have a conversation with them; in fact, its nice to chat with someone who truly understands. Even if they are grandparents to twins, that works too. And there is a woman at story time who is a nanny and the woman she nannies for is expecting twins (the nanny is probably in her 60's and watches the two older kids too. I want to tell her to run) and we have nice conversations about the ins and outs of twins. But I get a whole lot of people telling me about some random distant person they know who has twins, and I just don't know what to say to them. "That's nice" is usually what comes out of my mouth. Because the person saying it doesn't have any real connection to the twins, they just a) think I'm interested in every set of twins in existence, or b) want to identify with me in some way. And they don't realize that neither of those things are working out for them.

"I know some twins, and they are nothing alike."

I remember the first time I got this and I literally just stood there silent. I had no idea what to say to that. My guess is that they are nothing alike because twins are, in fact, to separate human beings, but who knows, I could be way off. And why did you decide that was something you should even say to me? I thought the first person was strange, but I've gotten it now and then since, so I guess that is an important observation I should know about, in case I'm worried about my twins being too different (nevermind that my particular twins are opposite in just about every single way). 

"Oh, how fun!"

I have to be honest, I often respond to this with sarcasm: "Yeah, something like that!" Because yes, twins are fun, but you know what? One baby is fun, too. I had one baby, and she was a blast. I will write about the fun part of having twins, but having two at once is so dang hard, and I don't think the people at the store who see nothing but the matching hats and the sweet smiles have any idea just how much work the fun requires.

"I always wanted twins."

I read a book when I was pregnant that said "People who say they want twins have never had them" and suggested a mother respond to this comment with "I hope you get some one day!" I am eternally blessed with three beautiful children, and I love each and every one of them individually and know I am blessed to have them. But if I could have had John 3 years after Quinn, that would have been ok with me (if we had John first, I probably would have stopped right there! ha!). Much like the "how fun!" comment, people who say they want twins have no idea the challenges it presents. But I know there are so many people who would do anything for one baby, let alone two, so I try to remember that my two-for-one is a blessing. And, twins are fun. They are. Now that they're older.

"You've got your hands full."

For crying out loud, you think I don't know that? You think I don't notice the cloud of insanity I've got floating around me? You think I call us "the crazy train" for kicks and giggles? No, total stranger, I am fully aware that I have my hands full because it took me two hours just to get out of my house and I'll probably only have time to grab milk and bread before all h-e-double-hockey-sticks breaks loose, so I don't need you to snidely remind me. But thanks anyway. As a friend said, if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.

A few favorite interactions-with-strangers stories, because, in case you haven't noticed yet, dealing with strangers is one of the many things that makes having twins such a unique experience.

I was walking in our neighborhood with Carly, pushing the twins in the double stroller. A car comes to a stop in the middle of the road. The lady rolls down her window and shouts, "Do you have twins?!" I tell her I do, and we engage in a strange conversation, yelling from the sidewalk to the road. She yells, "Have you seen Jack and Jill?! I just watching it last night! Its an Adam Sandler movie. It has lots of twin stuff in there! You should watch it?!" Seriously, the woman saw my twins, and stopped her car in the middle of the road, to tell me I had to watch Jack and Jill. For reals.

We were at the nearby outdoor mall and Chris took the babies outside because he can only handle so much BabyGap. He said a woman came up and started freaking out about the twins: "Do you have twins?! Oh, my  *gosh* its twins!!" Then she shouts across the parking lot at her friend, "You have to come look! Its twins!" and the friend hurries all the way over to look at them. Chris hardly gets a word in the whole time.

I am joking a lot about interactions with people about the twins. To be honest, I have gotten a lot of tenderness and well-wishes from total strangers, and that is incredibly kind. I have gotten women who are generally interested, asking about their birth weights and how the are doing. There are so many kind people. And I can handle the "amazement" and the even the shock people openly display, and I can make twin chit-chat with the best of them. What I cannot handle is open disgust. I am not a person who gets offended easily, but one experience left me totally steamed.

I was at Lowe's and an employee came up to me. She stared at the babies in the stroller and then looked over at Carly. "Are they yours?" Yes. "And she is your too?" she says, pointing at Carly. Yep. "They are all yours?" Her voice was not interested, or kind, or even just surprised. She was downright indignant, maybe even disgusted. I felt my face flush and just walked away from her, heading down an isle. She called to a coworker, and I was halfway down the isle when I saw her point me out, and they both stared and I heard her say "Twins AND a little girl . . . " I was shocked that she felt ok with being openly hostile toward me. I wish now that I would have spoken up, that I would have defended my kids, but that kind of open criticism was not something I was expecting on my casual jaunt to Lowe's. A little girl AND twin babies? How dare I.

There is definitely something bittersweet about having two at once. Say you always thought you'd have 4 kids. Having 4 kids means you have like 4 years of babyhood as a mother, right? Well, having two at once means if I have 4 kids, I'll only have 3 years of babyhood. I am doubling up my baby time, which makes every passing month, every milestone, and every realization of just how fast they are growing a bit bitter along with the sweet. They will start nursery together (10 months! ha!), go to Kindergarten together, and leave the house at the same time. And with the age changes, maybe they'll even serve missions simultaneously. Kids grow up so fast, but I feel like these two will grow even faster than I am prepared for.

I have gone on and on on this blog about how crazy and hard having twins is. I don't think I've done justice on just how much fun and just how sweet it can be too. The C twins adore each other. Every morning they wake up and see each other and get huge smiles on their faces and squeal and laugh and catch up on the night's events. John especially loves his sister, and she makes him smile all the time. They are hilarious to watch, as they pick at each other's eyeballs, get their legs all tangled up, and pull each other's hair. There is no doubt they have a special bond, and I know they always will.

I have 4 cheeks to kiss, 20 toes to nibble, 2 tummies to blow raspberries on. I love hearing two distinct laughs, and recognizing two distinct cries. I love walking into a room and finding two babies rolling around (though it still catches me off-guard sometimes!). I love how being twins makes them who they are. And while I said I would take them separately, that really was a lie, because coming together makes them them. And I just love them.

But you want to know the very best part about having twins? You know when you take your baby out of the bath and you wrap him/her up in a soft warm towel and hold him close and you sniff his freshly shampooed hair and hold him up and you smile at each other on the mirror and he squeals and you just melt into a puddle?

Every night, I get to do that twice.