Grown-Up Time

At the doctor yesterday, I was informed that I'm not any closer to a baby. He said the sentence, "You're looking at your due date, or later." I was much more emotionally prepared this time around. Lil is sitting high, and NONE of the lovely signs that she's thinking of making her appearance have occurred, or even begun to occur. So I've got at least 3 weeks, most likely more, until she's here. I've been going stir crazy as of late, and dragging Chris and my poor mother into my craziness (she gets the craziness via text message, Chris experiences it head on). The last 9 months have been engulfed in baby land. Its been almost consuming. I mean, I have my job, but especially over the summer my job has been slow, and I've had little to do other than think/obsess over all things baby.

Then, the other day at work, something interesting happened. A coworker handed me a magazine and asked if I wanted to look at it. It was Allure magazine. A make-up/fashion/style magazine. I used to love those magazines (the clean ones), but it had been a significant amount of time since I had looked at anything that didn't have a baby face or stroller on the front. So I read it. And I remembered there was once a time when I didn't have a baby on the way. Long ago, so far back I can barely remember, I was a girl who had interests outside of babiesrus.com. What happened to that girl? I feel as though I have "let myself go" just a little. Working at 7 am doesn't help things, but I rarely do my hair or spend more than a few seconds on make-up. My wardrobe is extremely limited at this point, as I've begun to grow out of some of my maternity clothes, but I haven't really cared much. Here's the thing: make-up and clothes isn't the point. The point is still being an individual. Still being a woman despite being a mother. I think so many people lose track of themselves in the midst of giving your all to your child/children, and that causes issues ranging from "baby blues", depression, weight gain, marital problems, etc. I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, because I have yet to have to deal with a newborn, but I've always made it a personal goal not to lose myself when I become a mother. Not to stop loving make-up tips and tennis and reading non-fiction and corny music (hey, Lil loves the Backstreet Boys as much as I do) and decorating and history. In all my baby obsession I've lost track a little of who I am: I'm still a girl in her early 20s. I think its ok to still be that and be a mother. In fact, I think its best--for my well-being, my marriage, my daughter.

The point? I have 3 weeks, probably more, to work on ME--and Chris. I think its time for grown-up time. Selfish? I don't think so. I've been spending 37 weeks working on Lil'. Her clothes are washed, room kind of done (ok, I'll still have to finish that), house cleaned. In fact everything is all clean and now we've got all this time to wait. It will probably be dirty again by the time she shows up. Oh well.

I'd love to make all the changes I want to at once, but many will have to wait til after the baby arrives. The next three weeks I want to spend some quality time with my wonderful husband, who has had the patience of a saint over the last 9 months. Its our last childless month, and while I may be getting on this train too late, I want to make the best of it.

Another thing I'm excited about? Personal Progress. Yes, I said Personal Progress. The Stake Young Women's Presidency here challenged all YW leaders to work on PP along with the girls. The sad thing is, I never actually got my Young Women's medallion as a teenager (I know, slacker, right?). So the opportunity to get it as a leader will be fun. PP is good for all ages. I was reading through it and thinking about how good it will be for me and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I got all excited about it and was telling Chris about it. I said "Do I sound like a 12-year-old, or what?" "No," he replied, "12-year-olds aren't this excited about Personal Progress." ha ha. Anyway, a few of those every week will give me something truly worthwhile to do, and give me a little spiritual boost as I prepare for the craziness Lil will bring.

So, I wrote this and now realize I don't know what its really about. Just some thoughts as I think about how close our little girl is to getting here, and yet how it still feels so far away. I'm content with that though (or at least really working on being content). She'll come when she's good and ready. She'll come when God is ready to let her go. I don't blame Him for not wanting to part with her a day early. When she comes, Chris and I will be swept up in infatuation and worship and love and devotion to her. Until then, I'll enjoy the final leg of our journey as a family of 2.

And maybe try a new shade of eyeshadow.