The Python

That’s my current pet name for Lil’ (small detour: I’ve been getting questions. Lil’ is short for Little, as in Little Girl. We are not secretly naming her Lily. Though I really like the name Liliana, but Chris knew someone once who did something weird and her name was Liliana. You know how it goes). Anyway, Lil’s movements are huge and she’s running out of room, so she feels to me like a big python slithering around in a small space. Sounds creepy, but she’s actually a very cute python.

Ready for another pregnancy post? Another 4 weeks have come and gone at an excruciatingly slow speed. A smattering of thoughts from 4 weeks out:

-Lil’ is in no hurry. I went to the doctor Tuesday. The plan was to be really dilated and my doctor to say I would have a baby in a week or two. It was going to be awesome. Instead he said I wasn’t dilated at all. “If you were 2-3 cm,” he tells me, “then I’d say your chances of going in the next few weeks were very good.” So she’s going to be late? No response. “Well you never know what could happen.” Right. Thanks. Lil’ seems very content in her warm cocoon, hanging out in her “tree house” (aka, mommy’s ribs), listening to Cubs games every night, and sleeping in every morning. If only she could see all the cute things that were waiting for her, maybe she’d change her mind.

-I’ve never understood when new moms look at me and say “Oh, I really miss being pregnant!” Are you insane? I wondered. Alas, now I’m beginning to understand. There is something about pregnancy that makes it feel like you and your child are keeping secrets. Her movements are just for me. I mean, of course Chris feels her move, but when I’m sitting at work, or Chris is off somewhere, and she’s dancing, its just me and her. Something that just mommy and daughter truly share. And feeling her move inside me is the craziest, most insane, most surreal feeling in the world. I can see myself missing it very much. The nausea (yes, its still there)? Not so much.

-That being said, I'm getting ready to be the only inhabitant of my body. I miss regular mobility. I miss working out hard and walking without sore feet and lying on my back. I really miss lying on my back. I can't breathe when I lie on my back these days. And I miss brushing my teeth without throwing up. Pregnancy is the greatest blessing, for sure, but I'm excited to fly solo in terms of the number of people occupying my body. Last night at mutual we played volleyball. I'm no good at volleyball, but I love sports, so I decided to play. 15 minutes in my back and hips were aching! My joints were not used to that kind of movement, especially now that I'm packing ** more pounds. I got up in the middle of the night for my usual restroom visit and I was so sore. I felt like I had run a marathon. Is that pathetic, or what?

-I’m running out of ways to prepare temporally. I still need to wash a bunch of her clothes, but other than that she could come home right now and we’d be all ready. I found a gender-neutral carseat I like (thank you, Sears). My one strong remaining desire is some sort of rocker/glider. We’ll probably be ordering the cheapest one from Walmart, even though it’s blue. But I’m super excited about it because its one thing I’ve really wanted all along—to rock my baby. Also would love a changing table, but that’s more negotiable. I’m currently waiting to hear back on one for $10 from Craigslist. And a saintly woman in our ward offered us her crib for our remaining year in Knoxville. So we’re in pretty good shape. But I feel like nesting constantly, and it’s going to be a hazard when there are no more branches to put in place and I’m left with just waiting.

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(So all those clothes hanging up are newborn/0-3 months. Anything bigger I packed away. And not including onesies and pants. We're going to have to dress her up several times a day to get through all her dresses!)

-Honestly, I just want to see her little face. Want to know what she looks like. Want to hold her in my arms and rock her to sleep. I know, I know, I'm getting close. I was watching "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" last night (have you seen that show? It totally stresses me out. How naive are those people? Carrying a baby almost full term and you NEVER notice?). Anyway, I couldn't help but think that's the way to do it. Not even know you're pregnant so there's no waiting, no constant preparing until you feel like you're going insane and time is no longer passing. I remember planning for my wedding and by the time it came around, I no longer cared about how it went. I just wanted to be sealed to Chris and everything else could flop. I was done. That's where I'm getting now. I just want a healthy baby girl. Everything else can flop.

-I am very happy. Getting impatient, but very happy. That's due to (1) Chris-- Each day he is my greatest source of joy. Three years later and he can still pull that off: impressive. And (2) my doctor said I win the prize for the most healthy pregnancy ever. He said I was boring. I'll take that.