potty talk.

[And by potty talk, I mean potty talk, so don't read if you don't want to hear about it.]

Let's talk about the potty. Oh, peeps, we've been talking about the potty non-stop in the C House. Day 2 was identical to day 1. Carly did not go to the bathroom in the toilet once. She peed all over the floor several times, as well as in her bus, in the kitchen, on her big dog Cooper. So much urine, people. And she held her #2 in until she was completely stopped up and then it was just a big fiasco until we got her to get it out (not in the toilet, mind you). Day 2 night, Chris and I decided we needed to adjust our strategy. We were doing the "3 Day Method", which was just not clicking. Carly knew how it was supposed to work, she just was not recognizing the signs her body was giving her. As she was peeing, she would inform us. Not before. Not once. It became such a negative experience, that by the end of Day 2, she was becoming completely resistant. Instead of replying with excitement, she would complete ignore our reminders. It was like she just didn't care anymore. And it was pretty apparent that she was afraid of the big toilet, even with her little seat on it.

So we decided to go a different route. We got a little toilet, something I really didn't want to do because 1) it makes it hard to go in public (which we experienced first-hand at church today), and 2) I really didn't want to have to clean it out. But it was needed. We got her a little pink one and it was a hit.

We also ramped up the rewards. Instead of just praise and stickers, we sat out a jar of gummy bears. And instead of reminding her to let us know when she had to go (which didn't work once with her), we took her and sat her on the toilet periodically.

Day 3.

Chris was upstairs cleaning the bathroom. I had to go (luckily, I'm pregnant, so I have lots of opportunities to teach by example), so I brought her in with me. She sat on her potty, I sat on mine. I went and then . . . people, she peed in her little potty. I think I freaked her out by how excited I was. I was just so happy that finally, we had something to smile about. She picked out her sticker, and got three gummy bears, and we ran upstairs to tell daddy. She responded really well, and it seemed like since she finally had a positive experience, and finally did it herself, she finally grasped how it worked. 

We had no accidents the second half of day 3 (Saturday), and I was feeling pretty good. The problem was Church was the next morning. We decided to have her wear a pull-up to church, and still take her to the bathroom periodically. But Carly was not going to go in those big toilets, and she held it the entire time. We got home and Carly told me she needed her pink potty. I tried to get her in the door fast enough, but when I was unlocking the door, she looked down and said "I go waters" (oh, we also started calling pee "waters", a term she coined. I wonder if she ever knew what we were talking about when we said "pee"). I was so frustrated, because we were so close, and she did such a good job and I felt like it was my fault she had an accident. Then, right before nap time, it happened again. She said she needed to go to the potty, but wanted her hands cleaned off first (because she just ate), and she had an accident while I cleaned her hands. If I had just taken her straight to the potty. I was so mad at myself this afternoon. I felt like she did her part and I didn't do mine, like I didn't give her the opportunity to succeed. And I didn't want her to feel like she was doing something wrong. It was all I could do to hold in the tears.

This afternoon and evening was met with another success, and more failures as we went to a friends house for a birthday get-together, and Carly was too distracted to think about her needs (thankfully we have friends who don't disown us when our child pees on their floor). I think it is all too fresh, and we need some more time at home getting used to the idea and really getting in the habit before we can venture far.

I've had to adjust my way of thinking with this potty-training thing. Going into it, I thought, we're going to do it, and she'll learn, and we'll get it done. Like it was a step. But it is not a step, at least not in the C House. Its an ongoing process. It really is a whole lifestyle change for Carly, and I don't think I really grasped that until the despair of Day 2. And I feel better about it now, thinking of it as something that she'll gradually learn, like mobility and talking. It has taken some of my anxiety away, and lightened the pressure. And I think Carly, who surely felt that anxiety and pressure, has responded to our new outlook.

The last few days have also taught me a little about being Carly's mom. It has taught me how important it is to adjust what you're doing as a parent to the individual. We started with a plan, and we realized it wasn't working with our girl, and that it was wearing on her sweet spirit and positive personality. It is the first of what I'm sure will be many experiences like this, whether it is helping her with problems at school, or dealing with a moody teenager. You have to adjust according to how your child works, and every child will work differently.  It is funny how I used to think nighttime feedings and swaddling were complicated. I'm learning this parenthood thing is just going to get more and more complicated as we go on.

The other day, Chris made a good point. "This must be how God feels," he said. He said that we want Carly to succeed so bad, and its hard to see her try and fail. And you think, If you'd just do it exactly how we told you to, it wouldn't be so hard and you'd be happier! If God wasn't perfect, He would probably think that as He watches us stumble through parts of our lives. I think a lot of experiences in parenthood teach us to understand God and His love for us, and I think that is why parenthood is a divine calling. I just never thought potty training would be one of them.

[P.S. I've thought about 700 times the last three days, How will I ever do this with two kids at once? For the record, I plan on potty training the twins when they are about 5.]