thoughts and baseball.

Yesterday, as I sat on the ground in the baby food isle of Walmart (in my defense, it was the nicer Walmart in town), I leaned toward Chris and said "I feel defeated". "By her?" he asked, motioning to Carly. "By everything," I replied.

~

I am fully aware of how lucky I am. With so many people struggling with true challenges, I know my mundane day-to-day ones are small. But sometimes they don't feel small.

~

Carly recently went on a hunger strike.

For 2 days the girl hardly ate a thing.

I felt like loser mom of the century.

Why couldn't I get her to eat?

And why does Satan jump on such an opportunity to tell me what a crappy mom I am?

That's annoying.

Made for a stressful and trying few days.

[It looks like our strong-willed girl was quitting baby food cold-turkey. She enjoyed a banana pancake and GF spaghetti today without a problem.]

 ~

Sometimes I don't want to be poor anymore. You know you're poor when you consider pregnancy as a way to cut back on the cost of tampons (jokes, jokes . . .). Sometimes I want a new couch, and matching bedside tables, that darling frame. Sometimes its hard to remember that all we need is "sufficient for our needs". But we are so very blessed with generous parents. When we dropped $100 on diapers and formula the other day, I walked out of Sam's trying to think of the last time we had bought either. It had been a while. Chris's parents keep us well-stocked. As I pack away Carly's clothes, I can count on one hand the things we got for her with our own money. My parents keep us well-stocked. We are so blessed.

~

I'm rambling. But the other day on Walmart's floor I thought of Carly and money and moving and Chris's nagging health issues (doctor's bills, anyone?), and I felt defeated. Then Chris said a few magic words: "Lets go to Jimmy Johns for lunch." We sat and enjoyed the world's best BBQ chips and fed Carly bites of banana and I thought about stuff . . . and somehow I felt at peace. Jimmy Johns has a healing power over me, I think. Or maybe it was the prayers.

~

In a way, I'm grateful we are in a situation where we can be as poor as we are. Does that make sense?

We have no debt, no mortgage, no pressing money issues hanging over our heads. We live month to month, and supplement with savings . . . and this is why I am blessed to be able to stay home. We squeeze by, but we are at a time in our lives where we are able to 'squeeze by', and for that I am grateful.

~

Sometimes I look at my husband and my daughter and think of our loving families and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. That should be more often.

~

Anyway, we finished Gilmore Girls. They made a mistake, it ended wrong. Rory was supposed to marry Logan and go live in San Francisco with the avocado tree, and Luke and Christopher were supposed to find fabulous mentally stable women while Lorelai sought counseling for her emotional issues. That would have made for a perfect ending.

~

And to end all this fabulousness: Last night was a picture-perfect summer night for those of us who love baseball to an unusual degree. East Tennessee is home to the Cubs AA affiliate, the Tennessee Smokies. Last night we met up with our wonderful friends [with their beautiful month-old girl, Eliza] and enjoyed a summer evening at the ball park. And even witnessed a large handful of home runs.

"take me out to the ball game".

 

Easily her favorite part:

Laura, Kase, Eliza, moi, Chris, Carly

daddies and their girls.

mamas.

It was a wonderful (albeit soggy) night.

We will miss these 3 greatly upon our departure.

I got to love on Eliza, and I simply couldn't believe our wild thing was ever that small.

How time flies.