a little calm.

"Do you think my life is one big vacation?"

This is the question I posed to Chris last night. He paused, wondering what answer I wanted. Then carefully responded "No." Ha! But he meant "no". I know he did. He knows what it takes to take care of Carly. He knows that it is a 24/7 job. He loves and respects me for the effort I put into her. I know this.

But I've been thinking lately, things are just really good right now. I'm in a positive groove, and life is just downright lovely.

This weekend we are headed to Chicago to visit Chris's grandma and attend a Chicago Blackhawks hockey game with his parents. I'm sooo excited. Chris has a hectic time at school right now, and he has had to make up a lot of time in order to leave this weekend. He is good to me. It was me who was dying to go to a game.

[pants-less picnic]

This week I bought a plane ticket for me and Carly to fly back west in April. We'll be out there for 10 days, and be able to to attend the sealing of little Miss Shayla to her parents. My brother was married the same week I had Carly, and we lived in Tennessee at the time, so it was, of course, impossible to make it. I was so sad to miss it. I'm so happy I don't have to miss this.

And in June we are going to the Oregon Coast with my whole family (minus the missionary brother; don't tell him we're going). We used to go when we were all little kids, so it will be so fun to go back and take Carly. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it.

[bookaholic.]

Carly is so wonderful. She learns so much every day. I interact with her. I teach her new things. She expresses herself to a certain degree. She tells me what she wants. She shows wonder. Today at the mall there was a bird at the fountain (welcome to lansing) and she was following it around. Every time she would get close, it would fly to the other side of the fountain. She would put her arms up and scrunch up her little face like Where did the bird go? Why is it flying away? It was just about the cutest funniest thing ever. She does somethig new and hilarious every day. We have so much fun. We go to playgroup, hang with friends, go to the park, go to the library, go shopping. She is pretty much my bff. She eats decent and she naps on schedule. There are times when she pushes my buttons or stresses me out, but usually when she stresses me out, it is because I just can't keep up with her zest for life. I charish every minute with her.

My husband is wonderful. He works so hard all day, and comes home and gives 110% as a daddy and husband. I often go to the gym, and he spends an hour and a half chasing our wild thing and wrestling with her, throwing her up in the air, and spinning her around. The other night, late at night, Carly said "Da Da!" in her sleep. We both heard her through the monitor. I'm positive she was dreaming of being thrown up and spun around. We love him a lot.

["weeee!"]

I get to go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. I recently had to stop running because of my knees, but I'm doing bike, elliptical, and stair-stepping in hopes my knees will recover a bit enough for me to run again. But I've been lifting again, and trying to add in plyometrics. It feels so good to stretch my body, push it beyond what it thinks it can to. I feel better, I feel like I look better (even if I really don't), and I'm happy.

We got a tax return that means we will be able to survive a summer of significantly reduced income. As long as we are in school (and for a while afterwards, honestly) we will never have a lot. We will never have beyond what we need to meet our basic needs. But for now we are meeting our basic needs without worry. And without loans. Tomorrow something could change, but today money isn't hanging over my head. A true tithing miracle.

[wanting her penny back after making a wish.]

I feel like this moment in time, this small window, however long it might last, is my respite from the storm (knock on wood). I feel like right this minute is the recovery phase. I remember after Carly was born I just felt like life was impossible. That I would never find it normal again. That I would always be running around like a chicken with its head cut off. That it would always be too hard. We pray that someday, hopefully in the not-too-distant future, there will be a second wild thing in the C Family. And when that occurs, things will feel impossible all over again. Things will feel too hard again. It will be wonderful. But it will be hard. Money will surely run out again, school will feel all-encompassing, Carly will hit the terrible twos, homesickness will be a daily battle. Life has so many twists and turns, ups and downs.

So for now I'm just grateful for today. For this little calm in the midst of crazy.