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We've been struggling to get our older Carly to settle down enough to eat or sleep. She is restless. She has lots of energy and prefers play over anything else (even eating!). Its an endearing but befuddling quality. I've been supplementing with a bottle, but she will only drink so much. I started her on rice cereal, but I can never remember to give it to her (go figure) and when I do it seems like it goes everywhere except down her throat. I spend most of the day wrestling over what to do for her. By the time Chris gets home I'm tired of facing decisions. He asked me what I wanted for dinner tonight and I said "I honestly just can't make any more decisions today. I'll eat whatever you put in front of me."~
Someone I blog stalk (you all do it, I know) recently talked about the struggle of motherhood. Like her, I often get it in my head that I'm a bad mom, that I have no idea what I'm doing. I wonder why I got her, why someone who deserves her didn't get her instead. And in all the stress and frustration the tears come. Chris often tells me I was born to be a mother, but its hard to believe him when the tears come. But this girl shared something that hit home with me and applied to me perfectly. So I'll steal her thoughts and add my own twist:I don't get a lot of temptation as a mom. I'm at home with a 5 month old all day. My life revolves around her. There aren't a lot of opportunities for Satan to tempt me. So instead he picks the thing I care about most in the world: Carly. And he picks the calling that is most important in life: motherhood. And he tells me I'm no good and he says I don't deserve her and he asks me why I even try. That's how he gets to us mothers.
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I can't decide what I want to say next. I am so very blessed to have Carly. She is a miracle. The thing is, Satan wants me to believe I'm no good at this. He's the one who tells me I'm not made for this. But if I would let myself be honest, I would admit that when that baby looks at me with those big beautiful blues eyes, she knows me. She loves me. She looks at me for assurance. She looks at me to make sure I'm watching her and every fabulous move she makes. She looks at me to double check that I'm still there. She wants me there because I'm her mom. Its those eyes and that smile that keep me sane.
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The praying helps too. I remember when I had Carly someone commented on my blog to "pray a lot, that's what got me through." I thought that was odd at the time. Now its the best advice I've gotten on motherhood so far. In fact, I'm betting prayer is the cheat sheet on passing 202.
8 comments:
Neat post. So true about Satan trying to find something to get you with. Motherhood is tricky and is ALWAYS changing especially at that age. There is no perfect answer, but just allow that prayer and your great mothering instincts to kick in. When things like that happened with my kids I would try things like feeding them less often, setting a new schedule they could easily adapt to, less naps or a slightly different time, etc. You can do it!
Ah Erin, your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could convey my feelings like you do, your perspective and description are perfect. I think every mom goes through the same feeling and good for you for recognizing the temptations. As for Motherhood 202, its a never ending cycle. You figure one thing out and get used to one stage and then the sweet little ones change and we must adapt too. Keep it up!
I'm glad you wrote this. I don't know a thing about being a mother, but it looks really hard. You take on a whole new challenging role that you will have forever and it comes with no instructions. Not even others advice always works because everyone is different.I think being a mother teaches you a lot and helps you grow a lot and become more Christ-like. I think Carly is very blessed to come to a wonderful family. There are so many children who don't even start out with that blessing. Anyways. If it's any help I think you're a great mom and I hope I'm atleast half as cool as you are when our little one comes. :)
Thank you for that :) I needed to hear it. We'll make it ;)
I know just how you feel and I wonder the same things! I think that this is what makes moms so cool... and tough.. we are able to care for another (or others if we have more than 1 kid) selflessly. We give all we can to them and put ourselves last. These qualities are what make us the most valuable assets to our Father in Heaven. You are such a great example to me! I know if you can do it so can I!
I know just what you mean. I even struggle because I look back at when Cam was a baby and regret all sorts of things, like not being that great at breastfeeding and sometimes letting him cry because I just didn't know what else to do. But I've learned it doesn't help to have regrets. I can totally relate to having a baby that wants to do everything besides eat. Cam is still that way, I've learned that's just who he is and I try and shove bites in his mouth as he's running past me. When he was 5 months old I lost my milk (because he wouldn't eat, go figure) and he refused to take a bottle. We ended up feeding him with a soft top sippie cup and I would hold the sippie in his mouth, he would scream for a few seconds and try to push it away, and then he'd give in and drink it as fast as he could. That's how we survived the second half of his first year. He was underweight so I felt like I had to force him. Anyways, Good luck, you're doing great :)
Erin, ah yes I blog stalk you, and mostly because I look at how young you are and how profound and grown up you are all at the same time. And yes that is a huge kudos and compliment. I am on my third child, and I don't even have motherhood 202 perfected. I feel exactly the same way, but with new ages presents new difficulties and challenges, and I too feel the overwhelming sense of failure at times. But let me tell you from an outside perspective, you my dear are one fabulous mama, and Carly is one normal and fabulous baby girl! Just remember that each time you feel satan rooting for you to fail, or feel like you are failing, that EVERY mother in the world is rooting for you to know what an amazing and wonderful woman and mother you are and can continue to be! Heavenly Father loves you! Keep up the good work!
Good insights. Amazes me how our greatest blessings so often double as our greatest challenges.
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